Spiral
by tekken4life
Summary: Secrets are flying thick and fast around Hollywood Arts and people are bound to get hurt. Can true love conquer all or will it die in the face of adversity? Mainly Jori, sorry posted it under wrong category before. Please R&R
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Bits Of Fallen Sky**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** My first Jade/Tori fanfic. Hope you all like it Please review, I'd like to hear what you guys think.

"_In my victory_... ah, damn it!" muttered Jade darkly. She took a nonchalant sip of smoldering black coffee from the cup in her hand to rid her head of the jovial tune. Naturally, it didn't work. She had tried everything to stop herself from singing _Make It Shine _over the past couple of months, but all of her valiant attempts were met with a resounding failure. "Of all the days for Senjin not to bother me" she contemplated wryly, savoring the distinctive bitterness of the liquid caffeine on her tongue. Shaking her soft raven locks, she walked with a powerful stride over to her locker, commanding the awestruck stares of her fellow Hollywood Arts students. There may have been a few unnerving changes at the school, but Jade West still reigned supreme over the social arena.

"Jade! Oh Jade!" The Goth closed her eyes wearily as soon as her ears picked up on the irritatingly shrill voice. It was a wonder to her as to how anyone could be so perpetually annoying with such an indifference to it all. She turned around to see Trina Vega beamingly strut her way to where she was, surrounded by an almost tangible aura of unfounded supremeness. Jade had often given serious thought regarding Trina's mental shortcomings. Her theories ranged from an unlucky gene pick to being dropped on head as a baby, but she had come to the sound conclusion that Tori Vega's big sister had no other way to be. Her typical lack of common sense, rivaled only by Cat's, seemed to be written in the stars. Resisting the need to sigh, she gave her full attention to the goddess of blonde moments standing in front of her. "I tried calling you yesterday, why didn't you pick up?" she asked. Her cheery voice took a slight dip. "I wasn't that emotionally invested in taking the call" replied Jade flatly, arching her eyebrow. The Latina nodded her head knowingly. "That time of the month huh?" she whispered, making it clear that she missed the inherent sarcasm. "You know, I find it best to use the thin pads, they give you so much more freedom to walk-"

"What do you want?" interrupted Jade. Trina clicked her tongue. "Tori isn't coming in today. She's sick… again. Will you take her work for her?"

"Do I look like her secretary to you?"

"Honestly, you do have that whole 'I'll end up in a dead end job' look going for you."

"Get out of my face." Trina pulled her lips into a withering pout. "You know, you'd make a lot more friends if you were nicer."

"And the world would be a whole lot better if you didn't exist" said Jade sweetly. The older girl's face fell into a furious mask and turned on her high heels. Heatedly parading away, she muttered something about being unappreciated and that she'd show everyone once she was a famous singer. The Goth rolled her eyes. "That girl is five kinds of stupid" she remarked to herself.

Turning back to the contents of her locker, the black-haired beauty felt a small pang of worry explode in her gut. This was the fourth time that Vega hadn't shown up for school this week. Each time, Trina would say that she wasn't feeling well but even with an illness; it seemed so unlike her to miss a day of school. Tori was the kind of person who thrived on social contact with her tight circle of friends, and more to the point, she loved being at Hollywood Arts. "She must be pretty sick for her not to come" thought Jade pensively. She unconsciously stretched her hand out for the copy of _Pygmalion_ they were supposed to study in class today. "She would have liked this." A small smirk followed the reflection, only to be completely erased by an instinctive flinch. This was happening far too often. She wasn't supposed to think that way at all, let alone of _her_, but it couldn't be helped. Such contemplations would waft their way into her psyche and sensually taunt her, beckoning her to surrender to them. Each time, they put up a greater attack, becoming harder to fight off. Her pride wouldn't allow anything less than victory, but Jade slowly found herself changing in ways that shook her down to her very core. Every time she looked in the mirror she would find the girl staring back becoming that much more unrecognizable. Gone were the days of where the effervescent Latina would get on her nerves with her for-the-better-of-others antics. The smarter, and more talented, of the Vega sisters had grown on her; and it frightened the Goth to no end. She had to hold on to what was supposed to matter, like Beck. "I won't slip. I'll be fine." Unfortunately, the mental reinforcement all but convinced to not stray from her beaten path. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Jade West was dangerously close to slipping into chasm from which there was no return. If she ever fell, the consequences would be devastating – not just to her, but to those she cherished, and she wouldn't have that. For the sake of everyone's happiness, she could not fall.

"Hey babe" whispered a familiar voice. The Goth didn't need to turn around to see who it was: the usual affectionate whisper had played on her ears too many times before, to the point where it became instinctive. She felt the soft linger of his hands lightly place themselves on her hip, teasing her just enough to want more. There was no doubt about it: the boy was good at what he did, but she wasn't going to let him off that easy. "You're late" she stated monotonically, breaking the link of his arms and turning around to offer him the full extent of her glare. One unseen push of her hand shut the locker door with a loud bang, causing Beck to withdraw away from her body. He immediately put on his best apologetic face. "Traffic was crazy."

"I had to deal with Trina alone. Are you aware of how painful that is?"

"I've had some experience, yeah." Around them, the three-layered tone of the bell rang to herald the start of the day. Beck pushed a loose bang of his waterfall of a mane from out of his face and raised his eyebrows. "Are you gonna be like this the entire day?" he asked in a sickly sweet preschooler tone. The Goth gifted him with her second eye-roll of the hour. "I'll consider it" she hinted maliciously as she grabbed his arm and led him to class. The comforting pressure of his skin against her own always made her feel safe. Not even under medieval torture would she say it, but Beck Oliver really was her sanctuary. He was the rock that anchored her to this world. The problem was that if one stayed protected for too long, they start to get restless and yearn to wander, a truth Jade knew all too well. Tori Vega was a seductive illusion that threatened to tear her world apart.

-xoxoxoxoxo-

Lunchtime came its usual blissful chaos, liberating the students from their thespian duties for an hour. Around their usual table, a preoccupied Jade sat next to Beck, facing the rest of the people she had come to call her friends. As she took in the social atmosphere, a small smile helplessly wound around her lips. Robbie and Rex sat next to Andre, bothering him out of his skin with their incessant arguing. Today, it seemed that Rex had stolen Robbie's _Notting Hill _DVD and refused to tell him where it was in a desperate attempt to inject some testosterone into his being. "Someone really needs to lock that boy up in a mental institution" thought the Goth. Her dark eyes shifted over to Cat. The redhead seemingly lost all sense of the English language and spoke in a cacophony of sighs. Her hands were tightly linked with Daniel's, her current boyfriend – and Tori's ex. Optically examining him with scrutinizing detail, she understood why the Latina had been drawn to a guy like him. In a sense, he was the anti-Beck: devastatingly charming in his own way of course, but with a grittier, more enigmatic edge that her own boyfriend lacked. He filled the 'tall, dark and mysterious' profile perfectly, making it his own with the occasional smile he flashed.

"Hey, is Trina around here?" asked Andre, looking around the table. His inquiry instantly killed the small buzz of chatter and was met with the icy stares emanating from six pairs of eyes. "Man, what is up with you?" rebuked Rex. "Didn't that crazy grandmother of yours teach you to be grateful for a blessing?"

"Please don't curse the vibe" said Beck laughingly. Andre shrugged apologetically. "Hey, I'm just asking. She said she wanted to see me at lunch. If the girl doesn't pitch up, all the better for me." Everyone nodded with varying sentiments of agreement. Trina Vega was a vapid storm that was best avoided for the sake of retaining their sanity. "Speaking of Trina," piped up Robbie loudly, "does anyone know when Tori's coming back to school?"

"Yeah, she's hasn't been here all week" cooed Cat dulcetly. "Is she, like dead or something?"

"Babe, I don't think Tori's dead" whispered Daniel, desperate to save his girlfriend from her daily faux pas. He needn't have worried: everyone was so used to Cat's deluded fantasies that they worried for her mental health if she ever showed the slightest bit of logic. "That is what you think white boy" exclaimed Rex. The puppet took a long, careful look around the table before continuing his address in a hushed voice. "For all we know, our little Latina might have been eaten by that monster she calls a sister." Robbie shook his head wearily. "Rex, Trina did not eat Tori."

"Have you seen that girl's thighs lately? Man, she is like a walking horror movie!"

While the rest of the table burst out in laughter, Jade put a quick smile on her face to appease everyone and quickly lost herself in the world of her thoughts. Tori's continued absence from their group was a growing knot of consternation with her. The rest of the group was great, but it was her persona that had transformed them into a clique of gods at the school, minus all the annoying hubris. She was the effervescent ray of sunshine, so politely confused in the beginning but so strikingly confident now, that stirred up everyone to she came into contact with. Hollywood Arts was definitely not the same without her bubbly smile or contagious laugh. The Latina's personality was so bright; her noted lack of appearance cast a wide shadow over the tight group. "And it kills you inside, doesn't it?" asked a small voice in the Goth's head. "Face it West; you've become more than used to her and not in that friendly sort of way." Without anyone noticing, Jade bit her lip to stop herself from delving any further into Tori, but it was for naught. The girl had wound her way too tightly into her darkened psyche to show any signs of leaving. "I'm with Beck, I'm with Beck, I'm with Beck."

"Doesn't matter West, the heart wants what the heart wants." Underneath the table, her fist formed into a tight ball of rage, causing her nails to dig into her milky flesh. She had to face it – the voice was right. When the heart wants something, it will move heaven and earth to get it, no matter how many people get hurt along the way… even if itself is among them.

-xoxoxoxoxo-

The last day of the school week always heightens the mood at schools, and Hollywood Arts was certainly no exception. The first period hadn't even begun and already comparisons were being made at various weekend plans. The Goth took in the sight from against her locker. Today, she had abandoned her usual go-to caffeine fix in favor of a raspberry smoothie. She always took a particular liking to the fruit – it was cute to look at but the aesthetic qualities belied the cutting edge of its tartness. With a final intake of the last dredges, she threw the plastic cup into a nearby bin. "Another day without her huh?" gloated that irritating voice smugly. Jade shook her head, annoyed at the fact that either God had given her a real bitch of a conscience or that she had the worst pick of multiple personality disorder ever. Glancing at her watch, she grinded her teeth. Trina might not have shown up today, but Beck was late again. Sighing to herself, she headed over to the bathroom, wondering if her boyfriend's tardiness would ever be corrected.

Pushing the door open, the Goth found herself faced with a devastating sight. There; against the plain sterility of tiles, sinks and mirrors; stood the girl she had been longing to see all week. Tori Vega stood gazing deeply at her reflection, but the characteristic grin was substituted with the fall of tears. In the faded light of the room, they looked like diamonds falling from a goddess's eye. The Latina's complexion was pale – no makeup covered up her skin. She utterly bare, vulnerable to every harm the world could hurl in her direction. Jade's heartbeat raced up several notches to supersonic level. This was exactly the kind of situation she wanted to avoid, but how could she ignore her? She was so broken. The occasional gasp she let out punctuated the air with an aura of mourning. "I have to" thought the Goth worriedly as she silently walked over to Tori. The Latina seemed so immersed in her own misery she ignored Jade's closing distance from her and only reacted when the Goth tenderly placed a hesitantly compassionate hand on her shoulder. With a startling flinch, Tori turned around and revealed the full extent of her destruction to Jade, taking the raven haired girl's breath away in one swoop. "God Jade" she sniveled, as if sorry for her melancholy. "I must look a mess."

"It's not that far from the truth, but that's not important" said Jade quietly, temporarily drowning herself in the limpid chocolate of the Latina's eyes. "Vega, what's going on?" Tori shook her head. "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

"It must be something to get you all worked up like this."

"Forget it, I'm fine."

"Right, because its so healthy for a cheery fluff like yourself to cry in front of a mirror every morning. Is this part of a new beauty regime?"

"Jade , please" pleaded Tori faintly. Her quivering lips matched the pulsing shimmer in her eyes to perfection. "Let it go."

"Tell me" said the Goth, taking a step closer. The Latina turned her head upwards with tightly shut eyes and bounced on her feet. Jade could see that she wasn't making this easy for her, but she would have to put away that guilt for another time. Right now, she had a job to do. With one final sniff, Tori returned her gaze to the Goth. Her eyes conveyed eons of untold pain and suffering, almost suffocating Jade in their intensity. Her confession came out in a soft whisper that robbed the Goth of what little air she had left. "I'm pregnant."

**That's chapter one people. Please let me know what you thought and if I should carry on! Hit that review button like crazy please! Till next time! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: If She Ever Fell**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and added the last chapter to their various alerts, you guys are awesome. As promised, here's chapter 2! Please enjoy

The multi-toned song of the bell trilled to signal the start of the first period, but it might as well have been light years away to the Goth. Her ears barely picked up on the hustling of her fellow studying thespians as they made their way to their various classes. All she was capable of doing was gaze at the Latina with the blank mask of her face – cold shock had robbed her of the ability to do anything else. You're… you're pregnant?" she asked slowly, desperately trying to process the revelation she had just been privy to. Tori dropped her head in the slightest of nods. Her mouth had thinned out into a single quivering line. The deep warmth of her eyes shimmered in uncertainty, regarding the Goth in a possessing fear. "I… I should go" she whispered softly, but her feet seemed unable to comprehend her sentence. For moments that would not end, she stood transfixed in a beguiling terror that paralyzed her, right down to her very breath. Usually, it was Jade's brutal unpredictability that scared her, but now she found that it had deserted her. Instead, it was replaced a sympathetic intensity that scared her all the more. She couldn't bear to stand here anymore and be analyzed in such scrutinizing detail by Jade West of all people: it was too much to ask of her.

After the few bits of torturous eternity had passed, the Latina decided she'd had enough. She dropped her head to avoid anymore of the Goth's wondering stare and made a movement to step pass her. Almost immediately, she felt a warm hand tightly wring itself around her wrist and pull her in a parabolic loop around the bathroom and towards the door. She lifted her gaze in time to see the dark-haired girl cogently drag her out into the brightly lit corridor and past the row of lockers. "Jade, let go of me!" she hissed as she tried to twist her way out of her friend's fiery hold. She might as well have been talking to the walls: Jade was adamant in her silence and desperate in her anxiety. This wasn't the kind of thing she could ignore. As much as she knew that it wasn't any of her business, she was also confident of the fact that it would play on her mind over and over again, sending her plummeting to a new emotional low. It was better to now the truth now rather than have her obsessive imagination hyper up to conjure some sort of twisted little fairytale. She wasn't doing this as a concerned friend – she had already moved past that phase, even if Tori wasn't aware of it, but the excuse could work for now. There would be plenty of time for failed attempts to get rid of her less than desirable thoughts later: for now, the plan was to surrender to them.

Jade raced to the end of the corridor towards the janitor's closet, with the Latina barely keeping up in her wake. The Goth didn't dare turn back. She was sure that Tori's face would be contorted in a saturated pleading expression that would surely melt her resolve. What she needed now was to guard herself from going overboard and doing something stupid. "I don't trust myself around you" she thought uneasily, pulling Tori into the sanctuary of the enclosed space. "But I need to do this. It's more for me than it is for you." Looking through the small panel of glass, she scanned the corridor to see if anyone had spotted them. Only once she was assured of the clandestine atmosphere of their meeting did she let go of the Latina's wrist. She instantly rearranged her face into the most neutral mask she could muster and turned around to face Tori's broken fury. The luscious forest of frosted brown locks fell around her reddening face in a frenzied mess. The warm eyes she cherished so much swirled in a heady mixture of anger and stilted helplessness. Jade mentally congratulated the Vega ancestry on producing such a beautiful creature. Even broken right down to her very essence, Tori was still every bit as beguiling as she was when she graced the world with her infectious beam.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" said the Latina through gritted teeth, pushing the soft strands of her hair from out of her face. The Goth's continued clinical serenity at the situation irritated her further. "Talk to me" said Jade simply. Tori threw her a look of unadulterated annoyance. "About what?"

"How did you end up with a bun in your oven?"

"It's called sex Jade. You know, when a man and a woman join their genitals together in some sloppy, orgasmic bliss." The Goth grimaced slightly. "OK, did not need that image" she said sardonically. She gazed at Tori with a concerned intensity. "What I meant was that it's not like you to do something like this."

"So you're saying I deserve this?" asked Tori, her voice breaking into a higher octave. Jade shook her head. "I don't know what you did, but you have to admit this is totally not your style. I mean, Trina's maybe, but not yours." She flashed out a small, comforting smile. "And just so you know, I'm not here to judge. I'm… just here." With surprising grace, she slid down against the door and pulled her legs into a sitting position onto the unyielding floor. She smiled up at the Latina and encouraged her to do the same with a casual flick of her hand. Biting her lip, Tori hesitantly pulled her body down to the Goth's level and mirrored her position. Jade noticed how unconsciously her hand covered her stomach, as if shielding the unborn clump of cells from the rest of the world. "You've got to understand that this is hard for me Jade" murmured the Latina. She looked up at the Goth with a hollow expression permeating throughout her face. "All I want to do is forget that this ever happened."

"How did it happen?" asked Jade softly. Tori sighed wistfully. Dropping her eyes to the floor once more, she opened her mouth to speak. For a few moments, no sound came out, but eventually her voice bended to her will. "Danny came over about a month ago" she said quietly, pressing her fingers together in anxious fiddles. "He said that he and Cat had this huge fight."

"About what?"

"He didn't say. All he said was that she was pretty mad at him and that she wouldn't talk to him. He asked me to talk to her. I said I would, and then…"

"Oh God, could you get any cornier?" Tori chuckled softly. "Maybe, but I never really got over him. I mean, he's the first person I ever loved." She fell quiet for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing with her confession. "Have you ever loved someone so much that you just lose yourself in them?" Jade arched her eyebrow. Her entire spectrum of emotions was summed up in that one question. She was fast falling into dangerous territory, but for the sake of her sanity, she decided to continue. "Yeah" she replied softly, her gaze never leaving the Latina. Tori looked up to meet her bewilderingly fascinated eyes. "That's how it was-" She shook her head with a painful smirk to correct herself. "That's how it is between him and me. There's always been this spark between us and its getting harder for me to ignore." She looked down at her stomach. "Especially now."

The Goth looked over at the Latina, her head drowning itself in entropic screams. She had never felt so disconnected with herself and so lost in someone else like she was right now. All reason in her perfectly insulated world had disappeared without a trace, leaving only a void of chaos in its place. Being here with Tori, talking to her about this product of undisclosed passion was slowly eroding her to a nub of her former self. It was one thing for her to feel this forbidden connection to her, but to sit here and listen that she was in love with someone else was nothing short of the most exquisite form of hurt. "How far along are you?" she asked carefully, desperate to try and veer the conversation away from the topic of affection. "Four weeks" replied the Latina, still gazing deeply at her stomach. She looked up again. "The morning sickness is a bitch."

"I'll remember that" smirked Jade nonchalantly. Her expression took a more serious demeanor. "Does anyone else know?"

"No." Tori rubbed her hands together nervously. "How do I tell my parents that I'm pregnant?"

"I don't know, make them really happy first. Say something like: 'Mom, Dad… Trina died in car accident. And by the way I'm knocked up.'" The brunette let out a colorful giggle, stifling its volume by slapping a palm over her mouth. "Yeah, like that would work."

"I know I'd be pretty happy at that first part." The last of the Latina's laughs died down wistfully and her smile lessened to curving line. "I'll figure something out eventually. I always do." Her mouth was about to crack into another grin but was halted by the frown cracking across her forehead. She placed an uneasy hand on her stomach again, rocking back and forth slightly. Jade leaned forward in consternation. "You OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just-" She pursed her lips together tightly. "God, this nausea really kills." In one fluid motion, the Goth leapt up and stepped over to Tori, gently lifting her up. "Maybe you should skip school again today."

"What? No, I've already got so much to catch up on!"

"Fine. Sit through school the entire day with that half digested food rising through your gullet." The Latina smiled weakly. "If you're trying to creep me out, it's not going to work. You're talking to the girl who walked in on Trina waxing." Making her way to the door, she winced and slapped her hand against the wall for support. "OK, on second thought, maybe I'll just go to the office and call my mom." She turned around let her eyes wander up and down the Goth. "Thanks Jade" she whispered gratefully. "It feels… good to finally talk to someone." Jade shook her head. "Don't male it a habit Vega." Tori laughed melodiously, exiting the heavy enclosure of the janitor's closet. The harmonious song of her laugh stayed within the Goth's ear long after she left, taunting her with its alluring charm. Slumping back down to the same spot on which the Latina was sitting, she pressed the back of her head against the wall and stared up at the door with a longing exhalation. Talking to Tori had drained her of all the energy she had. She felt so empty and incomplete on the inside. The object of her fascination was on her way to becoming a mother and seemed deeply in love with someone else's boyfriend. "Vega, damn you for making me like this" cursed Jade softly, feeling the chasm of disorder open up in her heart for the umpteenth time. There was just no getting away from it – Tori Vega had sent her beyond the edge of reason and she didn't even know it. And to top it all, she was burdened with the privilege of being the only one to know the Latina's secret. "Well, you WANTED to know" noted a gleeful voice, smugly echoing in her head. Jade smilingly shook her raven head. Yes, she did want to know. She wanted nothing more than to be in the middle of all of this and soak in the drama. She wanted to be so entangled in Tori that it would be impossible to separate them.

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Come on Andre, please!"

"Girl, what part of no don't you understand?" Trina sharply stuck up her nose, furious at having to resort to beg. Jade stared over at the two over her burrito container and wondered how on Earth her day had gone from its histrionic beginnings to its mundane lunch break. Not that it mattered though; her thoughts had been completely scattered. No lesson, no matter how interesting it seemed to be, could get her mind off Tori. "OK, how about this: if you help me get a record deal with your company, I'll acknowledge you in my Grammy acceptance speech" implored Trina, her voice akin to nails scratching across a blackboard. "Yeah, and maybe one day Robbie will marry that hot girl from _Grey's Anatomy_" sniggered Rex, jerking his head in the brunette's direction. "You really think so?" asked Robbie, oblivious to the puppet's sardonic context. "Man, what is wrong with you?" rebuked Rex. "You know there ain't any hot girls on that show!"

"Look Trina, I got that contract through luck and a lot of hard work OK?" explained Andre. He took in the quivering look of despair on the older girl's face before continuing. "I can't just go around and ask for favors!"

"You know, if we were in each other's positions, I'd look out for you!"

"No you wouldn't."

"That is beside the point!" Having enough of Trina's exaggerations, the Goth turned her attention to Cat. The redhead sat directly opposite her and was too absorbed in her nails to pay attention the scuffle going on around her. "If she only knew" thought the Goth darkly. "She almost didn't forgive Vega the last time. This time, it could be for real." She pondered on the irony that both their boyfriends had gone out to buy the gang pizza for lunch. It was hilarious in a twisted sort of way: two relationships where two people were in love with the same person. The difference was that Danny had already made his mark on Tori for life whereas she would be destined to suffer in heartbreaking silence, her desire going unrequited. "I will get over this" she contemplated resolutely. "I love Beck."

"No you don't" came that arrogant voice again. The Goth closed her eyes and fought back. "Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"No I don't."

**Hey people, hope you liked this chapter. Please leave a review for me ;) Till next time, ciao!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The Truth Shall Trap You**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters. Come to think of it, I don't own a lot of things… what a sad life

**Author's Note:** Hey people, sorry for the delay, but the point is I'm here now, right? Thank you to all who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, you guys are awesome. Anyway, here is the next chapter, please enjoy and don't forget to review!

The Saturday sun let its thick, heavy beams struck the Los Angeles ground like fiery arrows, parching the already dry surface. The Goth cursed the bright light from her cooled vantage point. "Why I agreed to meet them here of places is beyond me" she thought contemptibly, sweeping her dark eyes across the oriental magnificence of the Wok Star. The owner had made it clear that she still held Jade in the vilest of considerations after reducing her daughter's role in that play to a human chandelier. The leonine fury in her dagger-eyed looks she kept throwing sent irritated tingles down the Goth's spine. Seriously, this woman needed to get over her PMS attitude fast as far as she was concerned – that happened over a year ago. And as for dear little Daisy, someone needed to tell her that her voice was best suited to be in box trapped in another dimension. Over the past half hour, she had come over to the table in two minute intervals and bored Jade to death about how she was practicing for her next audition for admission into Hollywood Arts. Normally, the raven-haired stunner would have stopped her overflow at the very first word with some biting sarcasm, but she figured she had enough bad karma already. She didn't need another fight with that bitch of a conscience she was cursed with; she was still licking her wounds from the last one.

Jade took another look at the watch on her wrist, rolling her eyes at display. She hated it when people were late. Beck would have been here to calm her down, but he was off auditioning for a small speaking part in an independent film. It made her nervous: not in that 'butterflies in the stomach' kind of way. She entrusted that privilege to only one person. This kind of nervous was the type where one would rip the heads off from stuffed animals, and Cat and Danny only made it that much more intense in her. The Goth had a peculiar sensation she could not get rid off, and the lurking sensation in her stomach told her it was linked to Cat's boyfriend. In a move that made her so uncharacteristically proud of herself, she had not obsessed over Tori's secret. The promise she made to herself had been fulfilled, at least for now. All she had to do was keep her mind from wandering for the next hour or two, and then she would be free. Unfortunately, it was easier said than done. She looked in horror at the uncontrollable twitched in her fingers. That was always a bad sign. "I'm not going to get involved" she prayed silently. "This is not my problem. What Vega told me yesterday was just some random piece of information that does not make a difference to my life." To an extent, it was the honest truth. Personally, whatever happened between Tori and Danny was irrelevant to her. If they wanted to be together, then it was a mystery why they put up with trying to be just friends. Then again, they had sickeningly sweet personalities, and both would rather gouge their eyes out than see Cat heartbroken, which was why the growing fetus in the Latina's womb was all the more scandalous. "How do you do that?" the Goth asked herself softly, careful not to draw the stares of the surrounding people, especially Daisy or her mother. "How do you just give into temptation so easily?" It was hard to remind herself that Danny and the Latina had a deep connection, possibly usurping her own desires in emotional gravity. From where she stood, the entire act seemed so clinical, and yet so illogical. Why take the risk when it was so dangerous already? Surely, they couldn't have forgotten the last time, and that had only been a kiss. If the world were to know about Tori's pregnancy… the Goth shuddered at the thought.

Deciding that she had enough of her own mad ramblings, Jade lifted her head over to the entrance just in time to see Cat and Danny walk through the door. Unsurprisingly, their tight hold on each other suggested that they were surgically attached at the hip. Their unison grins of affection sent a wave of distaste washing over the Goth. It was almost something of a beautiful hypocrisy to see the two of them like this while knowing that Tori was probably curled over a toilet and spewing her insides out. "Hey Jade" sang Cat, beaming from ear to ear. The Goth threw the both of them a furious scowl. "You're late."

"Yeah, sorry about that" smiled Danny. "I had trouble starting my car this morning." He took a look around the restaurant. "Where's Beck?"

"Movie auditions."

"Really? That's so awesome! Where about?"

"Up my ass around the corner" replied Jade flatly, attempting to diffuse that growing alarm inside of her with her usual wit. Cat's smile lessened as she regarded her friend with awe. "Oh my God, you mean he's going to do a nude scene?" Jade's eyes narrowed instantly. "What?"

"Well one day, I walked into my brother's room by accident when he wasn't there and his TV was on, and this movie called _Up My Ass_ was playing. I only saw two minutes of it, but I didn't like it because there wasn't any dialogue and everyone was naked." Cat tilted her head at the Goth. "Is Beck auditioning for the sequel?"

"If he is he's in a world full of pain" answered Jade with an arched eyebrow. She inhaled deeply, regarding the two with a distant gaze. "So how about you two lovebirds tell me why you wanted me to meet you here, and I'll pretend like I give a damn." She looked up thoughtfully. "Which I might, depending on how good the story is." The redhead clapped her hands together and bobbed excitedly in her seat. "OK, so this is huge-"

"But we wanted you to be the first to know" grinned Danny impishly. "We would have told Tori first, but she's been so sick."

"I'm so happy to be your second choice" smiled the Goth venomously. They both seemed impervious to the caustic sarcasm and continued with their announcement. "We decided to move in together!" trilled Cat, now practically jumping out of her seat. Jade stared blankly, turning her head from side to side. It took the utmost control for her not to burst out in wicked laughter at this point in time. It was a shame that the irony of the situation was not wasted on her.

"Moving in together?" she repeated slowly. Cat nodded her head vigorously. "We're getting a flat together and everything! Isn't it amazing?" she exclaimed, grabbing Jade's milky hands from across the table. "It sure is something" said the Goth through gritted teeth. The redhead opened her mouth to say something, but something across the restaurant caught her eye. Her eyes grew into round, trembling saucers. "Is that Daisy? I have to go say hi, she is so sweet!" With bumbling haste, she vacated her seat and rushed over to the little Chinese girl who was equally excited to see the redhead. Her mother, Jade noted, was less than pleased to see her. The grimace on her face was not that different from a tigress stalking her prey. The raven-haired girl turned back to face a smiling Danny, immediately wishing she was elsewhere. The bubbling nervousness in her stomach had turned to a vague form of rage. What kind of nerve did this guy have? "Aren't you two a little young to be shacking it up together?" she asked. "You guys aren't even in college yet." Danny nodded his head politely. "We are, but it we decided it was time to take our relationship to the next level. We talked it out with our parents, and they're cool with it. Actually, Cat's parents seemed pretty grateful to get her out of the house."

"You really care for her a lot, don't you?"

"I love her" he said simply, his tone firmly establishing the depths of affection. "With all my heart." Jade smirked at his self-assurance. The rage within her started to sneak its way around her body, possessing her to wipe the grin off his face. "And how does Vega fit into all of this?" Danny frowned bewilderedly, but the Goth saw right through it, exposing the streaks of fear in his mahogany eyes. "I don't understand" he said softly. He flinched as he watched Jade's expression snap into a serious mask. "I think you do understand Danny" she whispered dangerously. "More than you're willing to let on." Danny blinked several times. "You know?"

"Yup. How could you? That girl might be dumber than a donkey's hoof but she trusts you" said the Goth, pointing to Cat chatting amiably to Daisy at the reception podium. "She loves you Danny."

"I know" he replied quietly, unable to hold Jade's scrutinizing gaze for any longer. "Look, I… I don't even know how it happened. But it's not like we did it on purpose. And after it happened, all we wanted to do is forget that it ever happened."

"I don't think that's possible."

"Why?" Jade surveyed the man carefully. She could easily stop herself now, but then that would mean acknowledging the sickening lies and ignoring the Latina's pain. She deserved better than this, even if she would never know of the burgeoning attraction the Goth felt for her. She couldn't go through this alone. "She's pregnant Danny."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

It was a moment that would go down in history – utter silence prevailed in the Vega household. Tori stretched herself out on the blood red couch and savored the sight of the bowl in her hands. With a strange eagerness, she stabbed a spoon into the luxuriating mounds of chocolate brownie ice-cream and pulled it straight into her mouth. The opulent taste drove her wild with pleasure. Of course, she would vomit it all out as a disgusting paste a couple of hours later, but it was so worth it. "There aren't as many things that make a girl happy like chocolate" she contemplated pleasantly as a bright smile graced her face. The ice-cream melted in her mouth, leaving its rich tang behind to set on her taste buds. There simply wasn't anything in Tori Vega's world that defined heaven quite like chocolate.

The Latina was about to indulge in her second mouthful of her cocoa ambrosia when the doorbell rang. Setting down the bowl on the coffee table in front of her, she hopped off the couch and walked towards the door with a confused expression. She wasn't expecting anyone to visit; in fact she hoped they wouldn't. Her talk with Jade yesterday had left feeling completely raw and vulnerable. She was trying her utmost to keep this pregnancy a secret, but somehow the Goth had worked that sardonic charm of hers and eased her into betraying her own covertness. She felt as though a million tiny hands were pulling her brain into different directions, leaving her stranded as to what to do. She had to admit it – Danny still had his magnetic hold over her. She could try and fight it all she could, but she would always surrender to his cool allure. There was simply too much between them for her to pretend that their past didn't exist, and it was made even more painful by knowing that he felt the same way. But Cat had to come first, they had both agreed. They already hurt her once, they couldn't do it again.

Upon opening the door, she found her misgivings confirmed. Danny stood in the doorway with the same nonchalant expression he had all those months before. His eyes explored every inch of her, consumed with a burning passion that wounded her right down to her soul. The soft lull of his breathing entranced her ears, softly carrying her to a state of serene puzzlement. "Can I come in?" His voice was barely a whisper, so enchantingly trapping. It was strange for such a simple request to convey the entire rainbow of human emotion, but Danny could be intoxicatingly enticing when he wanted to be. Or it could just be the imbalance of hormones talking. Either way, her god of irresistibility was standing in front of her, there was no way she could ignore him.

Moving aside her with a grateful smile, Danny swung his head in different directions to take in the sights of the house. He turned around to face the Latina. "Where is everyone?" he asked. "It's pretty quiet around here." Tori grinned as she sat herself down on the couch once more and indicated for him to do the same. "Trina's busy begging Andre to help her with a demo for his record company, and Mom and Dad are out on a brunch date."

"And you got left behind?"

"It's what happens when you have a sensitive stomach." He smiled warmly. "I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure chocolate brownie ice-cream does not help with that" he replied smoothly, pointing to the bowl. The Latina pouted her thin lips. "Leave me alone, I live for chocolate." Danny chuckled softly, losing himself in Tori's swimmingly warm eyes. His smile lessened, allowing his expression to take on a more serious form. "Look Tori, I'm here…" He averted his gaze to the floor. "I'm here about us." His words sent a death knell twisting its way through the Latina's heart. "Danny, we've been through this before. There is no 'us', there can't be. Cat-"

"Are you pregnant?" His question was simple, but fell upon both of their shoulders. It set their hearts pounding against their chests, felling the jovial atmosphere that was there just seconds before. Tori's eyes swam with tears that carried an eternity of bitterness in their salty trappings. She could lie right now, and he wouldn't know. He would be blissfully oblivious to the life growing inside of her, pulsing away in the safety of her body. Could she do it? Her question was answered for her. "Don't lie to me" pleaded Danny, edging closer to her body. The Latina closed her eyes and gave into the chaos. "Yes" she whispered.

Danny gazed deeply into her eyes. All other thoughts were seemingly obliterated. It was too surreal, but yet it seemed to strike into him like a dagger. He was going to be a father. The silence around him stole away his ability to function. Right now, all he could do was feel the entropy creep into his body and seize it with a cold grip. "Oh my God" he murmured softly. Tori stood up with tears streaming down her face. "Danny, I…" Her words failed her. She wracked her brain for something to say, but the shattering sensation in her chest stifled all forms of speech. She watched through the pools of her eyes as Danny stood up and pulled her close to him. She was helpless to his touch: it just felt so right. With a loud sniffle she laid her head against his chest. The song of his heartbeat took her back to that one sinful afternoon. It was wrong, but being with him felt like a private nirvana only she had access to. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly. Tori shuddered in his embrace, wishing for it to never end. "I couldn't tell anyone" she mumbled. Pulling back, she looked up at him pleadingly. "I was so scared, and then yesterday Jade made me tell her."

"She seems pretty protective of you" said Danny quietly with a small smile. "She really dug into me."

"Wait, she told you?" The Latina shook her head disbelievingly. "I'm gonna kill her." She looked up at Danny fearfully, feeling the world turn hostile once more. People would talk, judge and blame. Their child would forever have the stigma of something that wasn't through the fault of anyone. "Danny, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. But whatever it is, I'm here for you Tori. I swear it." The Latina let her hands lay themselves tenderly on his back. She had to say it. It was wrong for her to feel like this, but she had to say it. "I love you." Danny lowered his mouth gently to her lips. He was going to hell for this, but he didn't care. For now he was ruled by passion, and that was all that mattered to him. "I love you too."

**Hey people, hope you liked this chapter. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought, they really help me with my ideas for the story. Till next time! ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Sikowitz's Scavenger Hunt, Part I**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters... at least I think I don't…

**Author's Note:** A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and added the story to their alerts. It really means a lot to me that you guys take the time to read and review it. Anyway, I'm a bit delayed on this chapter, but the point is it's here right? Anyway, please do enjoy this one and don't forget to leave a review!

Jade hated Mondays more so than any other day of the week. In her opinion, Monday was calendar equivalent of a psychopath serial killer, just waiting for the next victim to come along. She winced slightly as she took a sip of the steaming black caffeine in her hand. Yes, she really did hate Mondays, and it didn't help that this weekend had been one long struggle with the voices screeching in her head. Over the passing of agonizing hours she realized, albeit grudgingly, that she had been wrong to tell Danny about Tori's plight. She couldn't make the decision for her, even though everything that needed to be done was as clear as day to her. "Relax yourself West" she rebuked mentally as she traipsed over to her locker door. "You can't make the decision for her… even though you want to." The Goth tilted her head thoughtfully, rattling in the combination to her lock without a conscious effort. Would she be able to make that decision had she been in that position? No matter what age, a baby wasn't like moving in together or getting married. It signified a bond between two people that would be there forever, but even more than that it was its own person: a little ball of life that needed the support of someone to make it through the world. Add that to the fact that it was conceived as part of a two-time infidelity and it amounted to one huge headache. "Not to mention that she's the unknowing object of a lesbian affection that I'm trying to kill" murmured the Goth softly. She looked over her shoulder, afraid that her words had reached the wrong ears. A cold shudder passed over her body. No, she would most certainly not want to be in Tori Vega's situation with all that drama. Knowing her, there was no telling how unpredictable things could get if she was.

"I am going to kill you" whispered a dangerously silky voice from behind her. Frowning to herself, the Goth turned around to see fiery blades of untainted anger coursing from Tori's eyes. "I am going to murder you" muttered the Latina through gritted teeth. She pushed a stray curl from out of her face. "And not in that quick way where you die instantly, oh no. I'm going to slice your throat open and watch you bleed every last drop of blood, even if it takes an entire month."

"Promise?" smirked Jade icily. "I never thought you had it in you."

"What the hell were you thinking Jade? Were you even thinking?" hissed Tori wrathfully. Jade looked at her deeply, seeing past the anger she put on. She wasn't pissed – it was all a show. Her eyes swooped in and saw right down to the pain she was burdened with, and saw the broken angel who was crying for help in it all. It was something she could relate to – she had done this so many times before, it had almost stopped her from taking charge of any difficult scenario. The rage was a front to displace the void emanating inwards. To accept the fact that the problem was her fault was too much to accept, so the blame got transferred to something or someone else. "It's freaking scary how alike we are" reflected the Goth as she stared right into the Latina's burning inferno. "She's so in over her head and she doesn't even know it. Or maybe she does and this is the only way she can handle it without breaking down. Either way, I'll play the scapegoat for now."

"Are you even listening to me?" asked Tori loudly, throwing her hands up exasperatedly. "Yes Vega, apparently you were very intent on slitting my throat open."

"That was five seconds ago! Jade, I trusted you with my-" She scanned the vicinity with her fearful chocolate eyes. "With my secret!"

"And I didn't tell anyone except the one person who needed to know."

"I would have told him when I was ready."

"Would that have been in the second or third trimester?" The Latina's eyes softened somewhat, openly flaunting the hurt she wore so proudly. Her vulnerability almost tempted the Goth into reaching out and hugging her. "Look, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, OK?" she said quietly, her voice barely audible. "There's still so much I haven't thought about, but I need to do it alone. Too many people are going to get hurt by all this, and I need to figure out how to avoid that." She gingerly placed a hand on her stomach. "This is my mistake, not anyone else's. I'll deal with it, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't get involved." She turned around and walked away to class, leaving Jade on a bittersweet high. The brutal honesty still stung around her, but she didn't mind. This was different from the optimism that the Latina usually emitted – this was strength that came from underneath the infinite layers of pain, the kind of willpower that both sustained someone and killed them simultaneously. If she wasn't careful, the Latina would soon find herself having trouble reaching out to someone. "I'll be there for you Vega" whispered Jade, still dizzy from the words spinning in her head. "Even if you don't want me to."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"You OK man?" asked Beck as he maneuvered his Toyota into the nearest parking space. The parking grounds at Hollywood Arts were always a nightmare – there seemed to be more cars than people on campus. Robbie turned his head away from the window and threw him a quizzical look. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you were OK" laughed Beck, finding the other boy's scattered attention deeply humorous. He noticed Robbie shudder at the sound of his chuckle, almost as if he was in pain. "You didn't even bring Rex today."

"Oh yeah… well you know, it's one less thing to carry" answered Robbie quietly. Beck tilted his head quizzically. "Now I'm really worried."

"Why?"

"You NEVER refer to Rex as a 'thing'. Are you sure you're alright?" he asked. He couldn't explain it, but there was something different about the smaller guy today. The usual extrovert eccentricities had been substituted by uncertain reflection. He seemed uncomfortable to be here. "Yeah, I'm fine" said Robbie, placing his line of sight anywhere but on the person in the driver seat. "I should probably get going. Thanks for the lift."

"Anytime bro" smiled Beck. He watched absorbedly as the other boy stumbled awkwardly out of the car door and wandered off into the distance. "Wonder what's his deal" sighed the Canadian reflectively.

Wandering from the car park to the main building, the Canadian let his mind wander to the pleasant topic of Jade. Or it would have been pleasant had it not been for the gaping chasm that had begun to form in between them. Of late, the Goth's behavior towards him seemed more and more distant, not unlike Robbie's a few minutes ago. Almost overnight, Jade had morphed into a withdrawn, moodier version of herself; and it was getting harder to ignore. Apart from her constant questioning as to whether he had auditioned for a porn film, she had hardly said two words on their date on Saturday. "What is it with people changing on me?" he muttered to himself irately. "And how come I stay the same?" What worried him the most was the fact that this could not be the worst of it: he had been in enough plays over the years to know that this was how it all started. The lack of communication between him and his girlfriend could soon lead to them leading completely different lives. Blame would be passed around on confrontation, followed by a series of fights and make-ups. Eventually, the relationship would break, and the two of them would finally be torn apart from each other. Every morning he would have to look at her face and know that he failed at the one thing he had tried his hardest to succeed. He didn't see his relationship with the Goth as being just confined to high school: there was so much more he wanted. "I can't let this happen" whispered the Canadian concernedly, passing a bevy of laughing students. "I have to do something about this." Hearing the bell lull across the school, Beck Oliver only hoped it wasn't too late for him to bridge the gap between him. He loved Jade with all of his heart and more, but what if it wasn't enough?

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Welcome, one and all, to the annual Sikowitz Scavenger Hunt!" The teacher's proclamation was met with a combination of quizzical stares and side glances in between his bewildered class. Sikowitz threw his hands up in the air. "Come on people, try and get excited!"

"Since when is this an annual event?" asked Andre suspiciously. His peers nodded to show their support. Sikowitz's teaching styles were unorthodox to say the least, but they failed to see the point of a scavenger hunt in honing their acting skills. "Well, all annual events have to start off somewhere" said Sikowitz smugly, clearly assured of the purpose of his newfound activity. "Clue sheets are on the way out the door. Please pair up and may the best team win!"

"What's the prize?" asked someone as the mad educator turned around. He never remembered the class being this inquisitive. "Look, I went to this party last night" he sighed wearily. "I may or may not have had too many shots of tequila. Some disparaging comments may or may not have been passed at the waitresses… I may or may not be facing a sexual harassment lawsuit soon. But the point is this scavenger hunt is still for your success!" He glared desperately around the silent class. "Look, just go and let me sleep this off!"

After a few minutes of bumbling and confused glances, most of the class had paired off and gone out the door with a contemptuous glance at Sikowitz, who had chosen to make his own exit at the back door of the classroom. Jade stared around at the drabs of students left: Car seemed unsure as to whether she should team up with Tori or Andre, constantly running between the two. Robbie kept to himself, staring down at his shoes and lost in a world of his own. She smiled at the sight of Beck walking towards her. "You, me and a scavenger hunt?" he grinned. The Goth shook her head with a curt smile. "Whatever. I'm not really invested in this."

"Hey guys, mind if I cut in?" Tori effortlessly slid in between the two of them, her voice transforming into sickly sweet sunshine. "Beck, can I steal your girlfriend for this one? I promise we'll be on our best behavior." Jade couldn't help but smile sardonically to himself. It seemed that fate took great pleasure placing her in situations like this. If they only knew what went through her mind. "Uh well… I mean, it's up to her" said Beck sheepishly. He jerked his head pointedly at Jade. The Latina didn't wait for a reply and promptly dragged the Goth away from the room, grabbing a sheet from the table at the door. Beck stared after them in their wake, feeling that cavern inside him grow just that much more. "I'll just wait here" he thought, taking a seat next to Robbie. He didn't notice the other boy stare at him with a stunned horror. "I'll always be waiting."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Hey, hands off Vega!" hissed Jade acidly. By the time she had spoken up, the Latina had already dragged her into the lunch quad. The stillness around them sat awkwardly around them. The caravan café was still closed and no other student passed this way. An anxious tingle passed up the Goth's spine – the tranquility of it all was almost pointing to another deep confrontation. The feeling of being caught up in the drama left her feeling helpless, yet she relished every moment of it. There was something about this that gave her another world to explore, another truth to live, and Tori was key to that. The harder she tried to fight it, the more she got entangled, and she didn't want it to stop. She had to face the fact that she was addicted to the melodrama of it all.

Tori turned around to see if anyone was in earshot. "Jade, I'm only here to make sure of one thing."

"That we win the scavenger hunt?" Jade took a look at the crumpled piece of paper, surveying the first clue with distaste. "_Collect a lock of Trina Vega's hair_? I don't think so, I am not going anywhere near your sister."

"Forget that, I need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Stay out of this." The Goth lowered her gaze. It was a simple enough request, so why did it hurt so much? She WANTED to be there, to support her. "To be unfaithful to Beck?" whispered the annoying conscience. No. Yes. How was she supposed to know anymore? Was Tori so blind to the bittersweet knife digging its way into her heart? "I can't promise that" she said shakily. Her eyes lifted to meet the bemused mahogany rage staring straight at her. How she loved that feeling. It was such a sinful desire, so divine but so damning. It made her feel alive. "I love you."

**What's up readers, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought. Till next time **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Sikowitz's Scavenger Hunt, Part II**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters – Dan does.

**Author's Note:** Merry Christmas faithful readers I know it's been a while but never fear: I'm still alive! A big thank you and shout out to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and added the story to their alerts, it was like Christmas came early! I'm glad to see a lot of you are getting into the story and sympathizing with Jade. Poor girl, my heart goes out to her. Here's the next chapter, please enjoy!

"I love you." She could hardly believe the words burst forth so easily. Maybe she was too weak for them to suppress themselves anymore: maybe the wrathful angst swirling inside of her was just too powerful for the destabilized guards of her psyche to hide its existence – or maybe it was just the right moment to let everything go. As an actress, she was aware of what a brusque weapon the truth was. One could bend it forever, summon any malleable form to live in or even use it to destroy someone; but whatever its purpose was, the initial twists always gave way to a liberating euphoria, like a battle scar that told the world of how its owner fought against the impossible.

"What did you say?" The Latina took an uncertain step back. Surely she must have misheard the Goth. Jade NEVER used the word 'love' except when describing her attachment to a melodramatic destruction. In all the time of knowing her, Tori had only once heard her telling Beck that she loved him – and even that had required her jealousy to nearly tear them apart. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, hardly believing the atypical coyness of the girl in front of her. "I love you" whispered Jade softly. She momentarily lifted her eyes and allowed the Latina to see the pain-riddled world hidden behind the soft darkness of their irises. One second was all it took for the eternity of hell to steal her love's breath away and feel the brutal honesty sink deep down right to her very soul. Shielding her gaze once more, the Goth dropped her line of sight onto the floor, feeling her heart slide down right beside her. Her secret was out. No more arguing with herself, no more furious heartbeats every time Tori came close to her. The world could now see her for what she was.

"This… this is so… this must be one of those weird dreams women have when they're pregnant" said Tori faintly. She closed her eyes in total exasperation, clearly spent at the raven-haired beauty's confession. "Yeah, that's it. Trina will wake me up with her screaming any second now."

"I wish" muttered Jade. She still didn't dare steal a glance at the other girl for fear of melting where she stood. The pangs of anxiety exploding in her stomach were accentuated with a heavy hint of self-loathing. Her usual brash demeanor deserted her when she needed it the most. All she could was stand there and brave herself for what was about to come.

"Jade?" called Tori, placing a hand on her forehead. She gave her frosted brown locks an iridescent flick. "Jade, I can't hear Trina's voice. I don't think I'm dreaming."

"Well done Sherlock." The Latina took a rattling inhalation. "Look, I'm pregnant with the child of one of my best friend's boyfriend who used to be my ex-boyfriend. Please, PLEASE tell me this is one of your twisted jokes so that I can go back to being angry at you."

"Don't you think I want it to be?" The Goth's low voice prowled around the Latina's ears with a coercing honesty. "God, you don't even know the hell that I go through each day just trying to avoid all of this crap!" Her breath deepened to pulling heaves. Against her will, her head lifted itself and placed it right on target in the Latina's terrified watch. "I wish all of this was some sick game I was playing. I wish this was all a lie because it would mean the pain I feel is just in my head."

"Wha… what pain?" Jade's face mustered into a neutral mask, substituting the indifference it usually had with a honed agony. "The pain of knowing that you won't feel the same" she murmured. "Because you can't. You're not like me."

"Not like you?"

"You're not sick like me. You're not the one who has to start a war with your conscience everyday to keep whatever this is under control." She turned her head to the side. "Can you even believe I'm saying this? I've been more honest in the past two minutes than I have been for a while."

Tori's eyes rounded themselves into little stunned spheres, incapable to comprehend the genuineness erupting from the Goth's mouth. Her earlier anger was carelessly tossed aside as she adopted a new, more troubled, stance towards Jade. If it weren't for the emotion behind it, the raw crack in the Goth's voice, she would have never believed this. Jade's chosen oath was usually one of icy sarcasm, but the sheer force that powered each and every word of hers crashed upon the Latina in a series of consecutive tsunamis. "Jade, I… I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to say" she said sharply, swinging her head back onto the Latina. The distressed beginnings of unrequited tears swirled around in her eyes, almost blinding her with their cloudiness. In the entire world, it only took one person to render Jade West so pleadingly vulnerable. "Don't do anything" she said softly. "You can't make this better. Forget I ever told you this and move on with your life."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Robbie?" Beck sighed wearily. He tapped the puppet master on his shoulder. It was innocent enough, but one could have easily been forgiven for thinking that lightning passed through the boy from his surprised jump out of his seat. "What happened?" he asked, his eyes darting nervously in the empty confines of Sikowitz's classroom. "Did I fall asleep again?"

"Close enough. You were daydreaming." The Canadian smiled playfully at the smaller boy, evoking a nervous grin on his lips. Something was definitely off with the guy. "Robbie, I'm guessing that the rest of our class is still on the scavenger hunt; which, judging by these clues is nothing like the ones I did as a kid" he noted dryly, studying the clue sheet on his desk with a distinct distaste. He lifted his gaze to see Robbie shuffle his feet anxiously. "My point is they're going to be gone for quite a long time, so why don't you pull up a chair and tell me what's bugging you?"

"Why would you-"

"Because you're acting like there's an assassin after you. Man, why are you so nervous?"

The puppet master's mouth thinned into a quivering line. This wasn't the time, he could feel it. "Damn it, why am I making this so obvious?" he thought desperately. He was used to being made the fool, but this… THIS could secure him that position for life. People weren't as forgiving as they made themselves out to be; at least that was his experience. One wrong slip of his tongue and whatever ties he had to this world would be severed instantly. "There's nothing wrong" he whispered weakly. Of course, he had meant to say it with the kind of convincing vigor Oprah had, but his fear paralyzed him. Day and night, he has the same battle in his head, each time with the same outcome. Try as he might, the thoughts just kept coming back with even more vengeance than they had before. It was slowly corroding him – it twisted its way inside and maliciously took up residence. Had it always been there? He couldn't tell: hell, he didn't want to know. "I'm a freak" he contemplated, trembling at the Canadian's concerned eyes. "No one else could feel like this."

"Robbie, you're doing it again" called Beck. The sturdy ring of his voice brought the puppet master out of his melancholic trance. He appraised the Canadian with a wary glance before averting his gaze back to his feet. He wished he could have been bolder, but right now helpless and pathetic were all he could offer. He heard the irritating screech of a chair's legs against the floor and saw Beck's shadow move closer to his own. "Tell me what the hell is going on" was the coaxing whisper. How he wanted to believe that. It would have made it all so much simpler to just let go, but he couldn't. Every piece of instinct locked inside his brain screamed for him to tough it out: as far as they were concerned, Beck Oliver could not be trusted.

As if sent by Fate to save the smaller boy, the door swung open to reveal Jade simmering in its path. Her face was a blank canvas, patiently waiting for some emotion to paint its color on the surface. Her eyes met the puppet master's with a possessive rage. "Robbie, get the fuck out."

"Jade!" exclaimed the Canadian. He turned around to face his girlfriend and folded his arms together expectantly. No matter how hard he tried, civility would always be an unfamiliar concept to her. "Could you try being a little bit more polite?"

"Yeah, I can do that" she nodded. "Robbie, PLEASE get the fuck out." Needing no further encouragement, the boy darted out from behind Beck and raced out the door as if dancing on the wind. The Goth watched his exit with a vague interest before giving her boyfriend the utmost extent of her attention. "Better?"

"Much" he sighed, walking closer to her. His hands reached out to settle themselves on her waist. Jade momentarily shut her eyes and steeled herself. She had to do this – now that Vega knew; it wasn't fair to string him along anymore. This was treason of the utmost kind: she was betraying someone who had loved her unconditionally from the very start, no questions asked. Through the ups and the downs, he had been there, even if he was unaware of it. God, she would miss that smile of his. Who knew how long it would be before she would see it again?

"Beck, I… I mean we-" Her lungs took a shaky breath in. "We can't be together anymore." She waited in the resounding silence. Feeling his hands leave her hips, she looked up to see her second dose of shock today. One the same magnitude as Tori's, this was a different kind, concentrated more at the depths than the surface. The treacherous feeling soared within her as she continued to look at his vacant expression. Heaven and Hell had just reversed themselves for him – she knew the experience all too well. "Why?" he asked hoarsely. His eyes implored her for an answer, but even more so to reconsider. They radiated in whirls of pining towards her as if they could already feel the distance between them. "I can't do this anymore Beck" she said quietly, forcing herself to look at him directly. "This isn't fair to you anymore."

"Jade wait" he said. His hands ran through the soft forest of his locks, fraying them at the ends. "Just wait OK? Whatever this is, we can work it out. Together."

"Not this time."

"Is it me?" he asked. "Because I'll change if I have to-"

"It isn't you Beck." It took all of her resolve not to waiver from her decision right there and then. The feeble stare he gave her positively murdered her heart. "Please don't leave me" he murmured. She shook her head. "I have to. I'm sorry."

**OK, so I know that this has been a short chapter, but I didn't want to keep you guys busy for too long on Christmas. Please leave me a gift in the form of a review (tis the season of giving after all!) and have a happy holiday! See you all in 2012 **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Pause For Effect**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hey readers, I am back! My sincerest apologies for the huge delay but work is going terrible. Anyways, a huge thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and added the story to their alerts. You guys should have a holiday dedicated to you. Anyways, here's the next chapter and I hope you like it. Please don't forget to review!

Nothing but the soft drip of water from the tap filled his ears, each falling drop singing its own lonely melody before it fell against the pink swirl in the bathtub. He didn't want to see it – if he did, it would make all of this too surreal. It wasn't some weird concocted fantasy, it was reality. Every passing day became a prison, confining him to the blackest of hells. Surely if it was all made up, there would have been an escape? There'd be some switch to stop the crazy ride and everything would automatically right itself. Or was that too easy? There were times when he thought it was. Living the kind of life he had recently had made him wonder if anyone else felt the same way he did. They could be anywhere, like walking black holes that sucked every piece of misery the world had to offer towards them. They dealt with their pain, so why couldn't he? What made him so different that his hurt trumped everyone else's? "Love" he whispered softly. "Or something like that at least."

He couldn't stand to even feel like this, let alone talk about it. There was simply too much of angst that refused to be translated into words. Every time they touched, it was such sweet agony. Paradise and devastation combined for the most thrilling of sensations, throwing him into highs and lows unseen to his eyes before. To sit there and pretend like everything was alright was becoming exhausting. Letting go now was the simplest option. He had spent an infinite amount of runs in his head about this. So much left unsaid, left undone… he would never see graduation, or his twenty-first birthday. No more would his parents pester him about finding a girlfriend. And of course his friends: the people who stood so faithfully by him throughout his life would be trying to answer the questions on their own. "Best if they don't go looking for answers. They'll never find them" he thought slowly, closing his eyes. It was close, he could feel it. Soon, he would be free.

Numbing pressure filled the slits on his wrists, almost substituting the garnet ribbons dancing from his wounds with the sweet kiss of death. A single cloud of breath filled the air, signaling one last sigh of despair, this time with the faintest glimmer of hope. "No more suffering… no more pain" he contemplated dejectedly. His mind gradually gave way to the black cloud cascading through it. In this weakness, he would find his strength; in spite of all his incapability to accept what he was, this was his last gift to himself: freedom. "I love you…"

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"That's… that's it?" asked Beck shakily, staring at Sikowitz intensely. The rest of the classroom was empty, echoing with his uneasy inquiry. This was not happening, this wasn't real… it just couldn't be. "I don't know. All he left was that" said the drama teacher quietly, jerking his head towards the letter in the Canadian's hand. With a surprising elegance, he pulled himself down in a sitting position and looked up at Beck's face. Others might have been fooled with the blank mask gazing back at him but his years of experience told him to look at the eyes. Lies could always be expressed through some form of the human body, but never the eyes – no man or woman had ever mastered the fine art of forcing their irises to hide their emotions. Right now, Beck's hazel spheres had been plunged into the deep end. To have to go through such trauma when he was so young: it wasn't fair at all. He wasn't mature enough to know that this wasn't his fault, and that burdening envelope in his hand didn't help at all.

"Why me?" he asked eventually, breaking the eternity of silence. Sikowitz couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy at those fading windows of eyes. "He could have written to anyone else-"

"But he chose you" nodded the drama teacher solemnly. "So obviously he wanted you to know something."

"Did he write to the others?"

"Not as far as I know." Beck closed his eyes wearily. "I could have done something" he whispered hoarsely. "He was acting so strangely, I knew something was off."

"Beck, you couldn't have done anything. He didn't want you to." The Canadian's eyelids flew open with a somber force. "If I just talked to him-"

"If he wanted you to know, he would have said something" said Sikowitz gently. He tilted his head at the sight of his student slowly unraveling. This was just the beginning. Slowly, the guilt would come; tenderly morose at first but rapidly blossoming until it tore him apart. There was nothing that could prevent it – it was like screaming at the sky, pointless. He'd just have to go through it until he broke down and picked himself up again, pausing every so often to remind himself of the pain.

"Look Beck, why don't you go home?" The Canadian's eyes widened at the suggestion. It was ludicrous at the face of it. "How can I go?" he murmured, never taking his eyes off his teacher. "What about… what about the rest of the guys?"

"I'm sure Lane is taking care of it all. Go home and rest. You'll need it for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"The funeral." Beck's insides turned cold as the last syllable flew out from the drama teacher's mouth. Just the thought of seeing his friend's body inside the coffin, so devoid of life… it already struck daggers along his heart. "I can't" he mumbled faintly. "You have to" said the drama teacher softly. "For his sake."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

_Dear Beck_

_I'm sorry for doing this to you. I should have had the courage to say this to your face, but even as I'm writing this, there's this explosion of butterflies in my stomach. I don't know why I feel like this or why I'm not supposed to. All I can do, all I've been doing is living through these emotions and praying that they would go away someday. I love you Beck._

_I can't really tell you when all of this began. I guess somewhere along the line our friendship started to mean a lot more to me than it ever would to you. Out of everyone in our group, you were the one who always stood up for me and fought for me, something I could never do for myself and I thank you for that. You always do that for everyone – you're the guy that everyone comes to for support and that's what's so great about you. Maybe it's because I've been rejected by every single girl I've ever asked out, or maybe it's the fact that you're the only one who ever made any time for me that made me feel like this in the first place._

_I've been struggling with this secret for quite some time now. If everything had gone the way I wanted it to, I would have never done this and you would have never known. What scared me the most was the way you'd react. I couldn't tell you what I felt because I didn't want to lose our friendship. Had that happened, I would have killed myself a lot sooner. You and Jade are like this untouchable pinnacle of what the perfect relationship should be. Each time I see you with her; it kills me because it can't be me there standing right in your arms. Please don't misunderstand this – I'm not jealous of her, I could never be. I'm really very happy for the both of you and I hope that you'd spend the rest of your lives together. I'm just sad that I won't find anything like that with anyone else, or with you. _

_I hope that when you're reading this that you don't think of this as a coward. Of course, some people would, but what you've got to understand is that if there was a way of getting over you that I'd have found it by now. I've spent countless nights laying awake in my bed and staring the ceiling, praying for an answer. I'd like to think of this as a permanent exile – this way I won't be able to trouble you. It's not a brave sendoff, but a dignified one. Please don't go blaming yourself for this – there was nothing you could have done. Just know that this is my final testament to everyone I've had the privilege of knowing in my life, but especially to you – my love._

_Take care Beck. Learn from my mistakes: never hide what's in your heart from the ones you love._

_Robbie_

It was past sunset when the Canadian had finally stopped reading the letter for a tenth time. Each word resounded loudly in the empty recesses of his mind. "Robbie you idiot" he whispered, seeing the letters of the puppet master's immaculate handwriting blur against the stinging mist in his eyes. His words were barely audible but his ears somehow crushed themselves against hearing them. "Why did you do this?"

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"I can't believe it" said Trina slowly, watching her sister ogle unflinchingly at the news reporter on the TV screen. "I just don't think he'd do something like that."

"You're telling me" murmured Tori softly. Her peripheral vision caught onto her big sibling shaking her head. "Do you know why he did it?"

"No." Ever since Lang had dragged her into his office this morning to tell her of Robbie's death, her heart had plummeted into an icy abyss of no return. Had he really been suffering that much, or was she too caught up in her own problems to notice? What she wouldn't have given to know what dark tendril had possessed Robbie to take his own life… if he, one of the loudest characters she knew, had been able to do something like this so easily, what chance did she have with her indiscretion?

"I was always so mean to him. Like when he reviewed my one-woman play? Maybe I shouldn't have stuffed his face in mushroom soup."

"Trina, the guy was one of my best friends, how do you think I feel?" snapped Tori, swinging her head around. Her hardened gaze softened at the bewildered look on her sister's face. "I'm… I'm sorry. I'm just really sensitive right now."

"Oh, that reminds me. I forgot to buy pads." Trina cocked her head at Tori's exasperated wonder. "What?" she asked as she got up from the couch and headed to the front door. With an adroit push of her hand, it gave way and sent her spinning off into the darkened patio. It was a full five minutes after the roar of the engine that Tori unfroze her face from its confused expression. "How did we get from that to pads?"

Returning her attention to the evening news, the Latina grew a little uneasy at her sudden isolation from the world. She still hadn't brought herself to tell her family that there was to be a new member on the way, nor had she plucked up the courage to talk to Cat and tell what happened. Now, everything had changed. Robbie's death underlined that life was so fragile, so unexpected. It was better to live it in the sheer light of truth than it some twisted fantasy of reality. Who knew what clandestine thoughts went through his head when he decided to do what he did. "I will not live a lie" thought the Latina forcefully, grabbing the phone from the side of the couch. "I will not let my child grow up like this."

"_Hey, this is Cat. I'm not available right now because I'm baking red velvet cupcakes so please leave a message and I'll get back to you. Ciao!"_

"Cat, its Tori. Call me as soon as you get this. We need to talk."

**Hey readers, hope you liked this chapter. Drop me a review and let me know. Till next time!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Color Me Betrayed**

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Victorious or the characters… and no, the Justice family isn't a superhero league, though admittedly it does sound like it.

**Author's Note:** Hello faithful readers! You know, my life sucks right now – if it isn't work that gets to me, its campus! Too bad writing fan fiction doesn't pay, it's my dream job. I would like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who read, alerted and reviewed the last chapter, you guys rock. So here's presenting the seventh chapter, let me know what you think!

The knock on the door was nothing more than a soft rap against the chipped white wood. It did nothing to hide the uneasiness of its issuer – personally, the Goth didn't want to be here. Not that she had anything against the Oliver family: they were sweet, honest people who would take a bullet for you if you were part of their inner circle. That's what made it all the more worse. Standing in front of the home of the boyfriend she had so crudely betrayed sent shivers through her body. In her opinion, having to tell Beck that she was a closet case lesbian who was madly in love with her pregnant friend, who incidentally got knocked up by and was still in love with her other friend's boyfriend, seemed just a little too warped for anyone to handle.

The door slowly opened in gradual increments to reveal Mrs. Oliver's benign face gazing back at her. "Thank you for coming Jade" she smiled sadly. The Goth nodded solemnly, feeling her hands fiddle with the sharp pleats of her charcoal pants. "How is he?"

"Distant" she sighed wistfully. "Actually that's putting it mildly. He's completely cut off from everyone. He won't talk, he won't eat, he won't do anything. It's like he's in this whole other world."

"Mrs. Oliver, did he tell you that…" Jade closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. "That we broke up?" The older woman surveyed the brunette with a heavy caution, almost afraid of what the raven-haired girl might do if she answered incorrectly. "Yes he did" she admitted hesitantly. Jade lifted her eyebrows. "So what makes you think that I can help?"

"You're the only one who can get through to him. Today's that poor Shapiro boy's funeral; he has to snap out of this." Jade exhaled softly. Every time she was in the same room with the Canadian, that undying demon of guilt never failed to goad her about the miserable state she had put him in. If Beck's new disconnect from the world around him was in any way her doing, she would put herself through a hell of blame. She owed him this much at least – if not the truth, then at least a chance to put himself back to normal. "I'll try" she murmured, praying that at least today went smoothly as possible. Surely God would be able to manage that much.

Somber promise in hand, the Goth gave a brief goodbye to Mrs. Oliver and made her trepid expedition to the inner driveway. The sweltering heat from the sun wouldn't have been so bad, but the adrenaline flowing through her veins made it feel like fiery arrows were shooting right through her. The rough cotton of her suit bruised her skin irately. All signs were pointing to the option of fleeing into her car and slamming her foot on the accelerator. "Why me?" she thought morosely, feeling the butterflies in her stomach spin around even faster as the sight of the worn RV came uneasily closer and closer. "What did I ever do to end up in this fucking soap opera of a life?" She shook her head wearily. "If I ever survive this, I am going somewhere far away from everyone here where I can't hurt anyone. I always did like New York." The knock on the scorching metal was even softer than the one on the front door, timidly transfusing from knuckle to steel. Still, it had the desired effect: after a momentary pause, the door swung open to reveal a face Jade almost didn't recognize. Usually, Beck gave some hint about what he was feeling – a twitch in his eyebrow if he was angry or the smallest curl of his lips to resemble a smile. It stole her breath to see his face mirror an expression she so deftly wore – utter blankness. "Ah, so they sent you" he said flatly. His eyes followed her body, flashing a streak of despondency at her attire. The Goth felt her stomach twist. "Yep, they sent in the last resort."

"Why you?" he asked, his stare penetrating the quivering darkness of her eyes. "Does it matter?" The Canadian held the question in his head for a moment. No, it certainly did not matter. It could have been anyone knocking on the RV's door and he still would have given them the same icy treatment. "Come on in."

The interior of the RV looked messier than Jade remembered. Beck wasn't the neatest person she knew, but something about the meadow of strewn clothes and torn posters spoke of a struggle too great for words. Her eyes rapidly returned to him standing in the middle of the room, looking so lost and helpless. "Aren't you going to get ready for the funeral?" she asked tentatively. Instantly, Beck's hand curled into a tight fist. His body gave a small tremor, betraying the stance of nonchalance he held earlier. "I'm not going" he whispered hoarsely. "Because if I go, that means he's really gone… that he's not coming back." The Goth's eyes misted over at his broken tone. "I don't understand. Why are you taking this so hard?"

"Did you know that he was gay Jade?" The Goth shook her head, fearfully watching the man she once loved unravel before her. Beck threw his hands up in the air furiously. "Yep, Robbie was a freaking fag. And you wanna know the best part? He was in love with me." The Canadian stuffed a hand in his pocket and pulled out a rumpled piece of paper. He carelessly tossed towards the Goth, who didn't even notice her hand automatically reach out to catch the aged confession. Tenderly smoothing out the wrinkles, Jade's eyes widened as each word impounded themselves into her skull with a resounding force. She looked up at Beck in awe, unable to comprehend the sheer volume of emotion conveyed in such simple words. She couldn't react to this – was this really happening? Had karma finally caught up with her and maliciously twisted Beck's life into a darker reflection of her own? Even knowing that she wasn't the cause of his misery, there was still a love between them that refused to leave. She knew him too well to simply chalk their relationship down to a high school fling. She might have left his heart in ruby red smatterings, but that didn't mean she could ever stop caring.

"I don't know how many times I've read that letter" whispered the Canadian softly. "And each time I do, it kills me just a little bit more." He shook his head. "He didn't tell me. I knew something was wrong and he wouldn't say anything."

"This isn't your fault."

"Isn't it?" he cried. Jade saw tears begin to cloud over his warm eyes. It wouldn't be long before he obscured the entire world with his pain, she had been here before. "He's dead because of me!"

"Beck" whispered the Goth, walking over to her former love. No sooner had she wrapped her arms around him, she felt his weight shift entirely onto her frame. He gave into her, a man completely broken by an act beyond his understanding. Each of sobs echoed with her own guilty heartbeats. "Jade… Jade please… save me from this." No words escaped the Goth's mouth. She increased her hold on him in response, feeling her head swim. Love was a callous thing: Robbie had tried, but it proved too excruciating for even his pure heart to endure. What chance did a pathetic soul like she have?

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Tori, do you think this dress shows off too much cleavage? Who knows what cute cousins Robbie may have?" The Latina rolled her eyes at her elder sister. It seemed that Trina's incessant tenacity for vanity seemed invincible, even in the face of death. She turned around from the bathroom mirror to face her sister. The older Vega had chosen a jet-black dress that hugged her form tightly stopped far above her knees. Her chest popped out of its restraint in the same way an orange might incompletely squeeze through a condom. Tori clicked her tongue impatiently. "Trina, this is a funeral. Our friend is dead. Do you get that flaunting off your body might come off as inappropriate."

"My God… you're right. I mean if I really stop to think about it – this dress doesn't match my makeup at all." Clumsily flourishing her way to the hallway, Trina turned right to skip along to her room, leaving her sister to return to her mirror gazing. "I wish I had her stupidity" she thought darkly, searching her own eyes for answers to questions she had yet to ask. The warm brown irises she inherited from her father gave away no clarity as to her suffering. "If I was her, I wouldn't be in this mess. I could go on like this entire thing doesn't exist."

It had been two days since she had found out that Robbie slit his wrists, two miserable days that had selfishly melded into infinity. Her mind buzzed with questions, most of which she didn't want the answer. Surprising herself, she didn't care why he did it. Whatever dark place Robbie went to was probably the same place she found herself in right now. It would be so easy to cut open her own wrists or dangle her body from the ceiling, but she had to remind herself that it wasn't only her own life she would be taking. Inside her womb was a life, completely innocent and oblivious to the hurt around it. She wouldn't risk that all so egotistically just for her own sake. "Then how come you can't tell Mom and Dad what happened?" asked a sinister voice in her head. "Or Trina, or Cat or anyone else besides the guy who got you knocked up and the girl who loves you?" Tori clutched the bathroom sink desperately. She couldn't deal with Jade, not today. "One crisis at a time Vega" she mumbled inaudibly. "Tell your friend that you're carrying her boyfriend's child today and deal with the unrequited lesbian crush… some other time." She looked down at the folds of blackened silk around her stomach. Gently placing her hand around the ravels, she let out a tired sigh. "I hope one day you'll never have to go through the chaos I'm going through now" she whispered quietly. "This isn't the way I'd ever thought I'd become a mother. I always wanted that stupid fantasy with the handsome husband and the blossoming career." She gave her abdomen a melancholic grin. "If I'm doing something wrong, please forgive me. I'm only trying to do what's best for the both of us. You and me, we've caused quite a bit of trouble already… and the worst isn't even over."

The soft vibrating of her phone against her skin interrupted the Latina's maternal broodings. Issuing another sigh, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone to see the Goth's name flash underneath the notification of a new message. '_Not coming to funeral. Will call later_.' Tori closed her eyes slowly. Of all days for things to get screwed up. Jade must really be suffering from that unrequited love for her not to want to pitch up. Sure, she had an unhealthy habit for mocking Robbie at every opportunity, but that wouldn't stop her from feeling having even a small bit of empathy. "Damn it West, when you flake on something you really pull a number don't you?"

No sooner than she had placed the phone back into her pocket, it shook again. Frowning she pulled it out into the fluorescent light. Cat's picture appeared and disappeared in synch with her number. Tori pursed her lips together. "Hello?"

"Hey babe."

"Danny?" The Latina's heart started to race. This was just the kind of thing she'd expect from him: that low gravelly voice set her blood on fire. As if things weren't complicated enough, HE had to be added to this. "Why are you calling me from Cat's phone?"

"Cat asked me to check her messages, and I happened to hear the one you left." The Latina's heart started to twist around a painful axis. "Look, I-"

"No, you're right. We should tell her, she deserves to know. Just let me do it, please."

"Danny… I can't-"

"Let her get mad at me, I won't let anything happen to you."

"You can't-"

"Babe, trust me." The Latina let out a deep breath. He always found a way to play the hero, and even worse she was letting him. This was her mistake too. "I love you" she whispered. The voice on the other line was somewhere in between a possessive growl and wistful sighing: "I love you too."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

It was late afternoon by the time the Latina, Danny and Cat returned to the Vega household. Each of them wore their own expression of emotional exhaustion, too tired from the funeral's constant intrusion into their psyches. In between the shared memories of Robbie's quirkiness and the eventual breakdown of his mother, they found themselves being unable to feel anything but the gaping hole that their puppet master had left them with. Tear after tear had streaked down their cheeks, glazing their faces in the shimmering Los Angeles heat. "Robbie, were you in that much pain?" thought the Latina sadly, barely noticing the note on the door from her parents. "Couldn't you have talked to someone?"

For the third time, Tori felt her phone shake at twenty vibrations a second in her pocket. Cursing the apparent need of communication, she threw the keys at Danny and moved over to the side. Jade's name flashed up once again, this time a call. The Latina closed her eyes. She was too tired to feel any worry at this point. Flipping her locks back, she pressed the answer key and pressed the phone to her ear. "Jade, you've got some nerve calling me."

"Why? Did you miss me that much?"

"Damn it Jade, today was the funeral for one of our best friends and you couldn't have been bothered to show up!"

"OK, before you go all She-Hulk on me, I have a good reason."

"Baited breath here West!"

"I couldn't-"

Exactly, why Jade didn't pitch up, Tori didn't hear. As the Goth flatly explained her reasoning, the front door slammed open with the force of a hurricane. A violently red streak of hair flew past her in a series of deep sobs. The Latina's hand grew weak and let the phone slip from her hand, shattering itself on the floor. Transfixed by her shock, she did nothing but stand there and watch on as her friend's car flew out of sight. "She knows" whispered a voice into her ear. Danny's hands wrapped themselves around her waist and pulled her close towards his body. The warm breath on her neck did little to comfort her. "What did you tell her Danny?"

"That I love you, and only you. I never want to live without you."

**Hey guys, hope you liked this chapter. Tell me what you think. Till next time!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Could You Repeat That?**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hello dear readers, it's me again! Hope you all are doing well, I sincerely hope nobody died or ended up in hospital or anything. A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, you guys rock. Here's the next one hope you all like it, and please don't forget to review.

Tori exhaled a frustrated cloud of breath as she stole a glance at the clock on the kitchen counter. The hours seemed to shave by in the Vega household, each one bringing a newfound hell into her head; not that she wished for sleep – tonight, her insomnia was well deserved. Every time her eyes closed, Cat's crimson velvet hair streaked past her. Her ears would not soon forget the choked cry neither her friend echoed, nor the hasty rev of her car's engine as she escaped away into her grief. Almost singlehandedly, she had managed to crush the innocence that made Cat's life so wonderfully naïve, yet so completely ideal at the same time. The last time it had been a kiss that had sealed her betrayal; this time it was the pulsing life inside of her: it seemed that her fate was tied to bring woe to the ones she loved. "Way to go Vega, keep on ruining lives" she muttered irritably. She shook her mahogany locks to clear her head of the self-loathing, but all it seemed to do was agitate her more. For the life of her, she could not seem to see any plausible way out of this without anyone getting hurt. There was simply too much emotion tangled up in the situation to analyze it rationally. Whatever decision she took had to come from the heart, not the head – she just prayed it would be the right one, ignoring the possibility that anything she did could be wrong.

"Great, now I'm hungry!" The Latina's eyes widened with a small delight, temporarily displacing her melancholy aside. "Oh my God, my first craving!" Heeding the incessant call of her hunger pangs, she rushed over to the refrigerator and opened the freezer door, bent on satisfying the lust for sweetness that had magically arisen within her body. This was the one temptation she would allow to lure her in with its seductive thrall and overpower her in its decadence, all without the emotional guilt. Her fingers ignored the icy pricks of air piercing through her skin – she was determined to have her prize. Grabbing the thick cylinder, she shut the door and brought it to the faint light creeping in from the street outside. "Chocolate ice-cream, you make everything better" she whispered excitedly. It seemed a bit hypocritical of her to derive such an intense bliss from the velvety dessert, given that she always gave Trina a sardonic stare whenever she hoarded the container like a madwoman; but tonight she threw away her conventions. She could almost taste the satisfying tang of the creamy cocoa luxury streaking across her tongue and setting it alight in sensual debauchery. Her senses went into overdrive, sending vivid smudges of pleasure across her entire body. Only the quiet of the night was witness to her raw contentment. "God, you turn me on!"

The Latina's eyes scoured the kitchen for a spoon, finding one hanging on the washboard near the sink. Grabbing it with an eager yelp, she flung open the lid and stared at the deep brown self-indulgence on which her sanity so desperately hinged upon. She was about to spear the spoon deep into the heart of the dessert when her ears picked up on the soft monotone ring of the telephone from the far end of the room. She clicked her tongue impatiently as she walked over to the source of her distraction, about to give whoever was on the other end of the line the full extent of her wrath. To appease Trina's absurd need for fourteen hours of sleep, Mrs. Vega usually lowered the telephone's ringing volume every night before she went to sleep so that the entire household didn't have to face the self-absorbed ramblings of its eldest daughter in the morning. Unfortunately, Tori was the only one who seemed to hear the phone singing its way to the night, earning her the distinct title of 'The Night Secretary'. The Latina grabbed the receiver with an iron grip, nursing her treasured ice-cream into her bosom. "WHAT?"

"Ooh, someone's testy. First trimester mood swings?" Tori gave an angry huff. "Jade, why are you calling my house in the middle of the night?"

"Well, I wouldn't have to if you answered your cell."

"It broke. Look, I'm kind of in the middle of something here, what do you want?"

"Open your front door." The Latina rolled her eyes cynically. "If I do, will I find you there?" She heard the Goth's breath heave uncomfortably over the line. "If you want me to go, I'll go" she whispered softly. Her tone was unwavering in its sincerity, too honest and pure for the Latina to handle at this point. Jade could really tug at the heartstrings like no other. "Give me a minute" sighed Tori wearily. "And this better be worth it."

The Latina sat her beloved dessert down on the coffee table, silently mourning the fact that fate always seemed to rob of even the smallest bits of happiness. She hurried over to the door, swearing under her breath with every curse known to man. "If it isn't me and Danny, it's me and Jade, can I get a fucking break my life?" Lifting a hand to the neon keypad of the alarm, she punched in the disarming code and heard a singular beep echo throughout the living room. Her other hand reached for the keys hanging on the side of the door and fiddled with the huge metallic bundle until she found the right implement. She angrily inserted the key into the door, unlocking it and pushing it open. Her expression soured at the Goth's superior smirk. It was definitely far too early in the morning for this. It wasn't that Jade judged her every action: she too had gone off the deep end in her emotional extremities, so she couldn't afford to point fingers. What irked the Latina was how well the Goth seemed to understand her – she instantly understood her moods as if they were her own. Tori felt like an open book to her, vulnerable and naked, just waiting to be swayed. Right now, all it would take was one slip, and the Latina felt like she'd spin into infinity.

"You look like hell" smiled the Goth devilishly. She flicked her dark locks back and let her eyes soak up the strained mask painted across Tori's face. The Latina scathingly pouted her lips. Her eyes flashed dangerously in the weak light of the city. Her beauty, raw and untamable by definition, seemed to echo throughout the darkness, each wave hitting the Goth's soul. To her, Tori Vega could never look like hell, not even close. She would always have this fierce elegance that stole the breath of everyone who ever had the privilege of laying eyes on her. "Thanks for that" she muttered, snapping the Goth away from her deviations. "It's not everyday I get to go to my friend's funeral." Jade exhaled a long breath. "OK, you're mad I didn't come."

"I couldn't care less Jade. But just think; if it were you lying in that coffin, Robbie would be the first one to cry over it!"

"I really wish it was me in that coffin" murmured the Goth, lowering her eyes to her feet. Tori shook her head. "You're not the only one with issues. Get inside, and be quiet. The last thing I need is Trina's bitching in the morning."

"Why yes ma'am."

Jade passed the Latina and entered the sacred sanctity of the Vega house. At night, there seemed to be something surreal about the place, almost as if it took on a new life. It could be the lack of people or the close proximity to Tori, but the raven beauty felt a powerful enchantment tinge the air. Her soft, black eyes focused onto the ice-cream container and spoon sitting conspicuously on the coffee table. "You're going to eat all of that by yourself?" she asked incredulously, pointing towards the dessert. "Well, I was" said Tori flatly, walking past the Goth and unceremoniously dumping herself onto the couch. "But now you're here."

"I'm not stopping you from pigging out. By all means, go ahead."

"If I did, I'd have to ask you to leave the room. The way I'm feeling right now, I'd probably orgasm the moment the spoon touched my mouth." She threw the Goth a brief grin. "So why didn't you come today?"

"It's complicated" breathed Jade, placing herself at a safe distance away from the Latina. She had yet to reach the emotional placidity she wanted so badly. Every second she spent with Tori seemed to bring a new detail to adore: the way her eyes softened when she laughed or the way her mouth creased when she smiled. There was nothing that her heart didn't seem to latch itself onto. She watched in quiet awe as the love of her life tilted her head quizzically. "Jade, I think we both have PhD's in complicated. Your excuse just fell flat."

"OK, here goes." The Goth stared deeply into the Latina's eyes, trying to ignore the tempestuous butterflies hammering their way out her stomach. "Did you know that Robbie was gay?" Tori frowned bewilderedly. "Please, he was not gay. He hit on Trina for God's sakes, remember?"

"He left Beck a note" said Jade quietly, unable to hold the Latina's inquiring gaze any longer. "He was in love with him." Tori shifted uncomfortably against the bright red couch. "And that's why he did it?" The Goth slipped her head into a single nod upon hearing the vulnerable tremor of her voice. "Beck's finished. I mean, I've seen him devastated before but never like this."

"And the two of you-"

"Yeah. That's why we weren't there today. I spent the entire day trying to convince him that none of this is his fault."

"You're such a good girlfriend" murmured the Latina, trying desperately to decrease her widened eyes back to their normal size. Jade fidgeted her wrists nervously. "I'm not his girlfriend." She turned her head up to see Tori raise her eyebrows in surprise. "We broke up the day Robbie died." The Latina gave quick shakes of her head to try and make sense of what was going on. Once again, the world around her started to invert itself the moment she'd begin to trust anything or anyone. She could feel herself slip into the madness. "Oh God Jade, why'd you go and do that?"

"Why?" asked the Goth incredulously. "You actually need to know why?"

"Keep your voice down!"

"How would you like it if you had to live a lie that killed you inside every minute of every day?"

"I am!" hissed the Latina furiously. Her eyes sparked in fury, enough to melt Goth's cold venom. "I have no one but myself in all of this! I cant even bring myself to tell my parents that their about to be grandparents a decade earlier than expected and one of my best friends just found out that the baby I'm carrying was fathered by her boyfriend!"

"Cat knows?"

"No genius, I'm talking about Trina!" Tori brushed the back of her hand across her forehead wearily. "Danny told her as soon as we came back from the funeral and she took off. I didn't even get a chance to explain." She sighed, feeling the world's weariness seep into her very soul. "How did everything get so messed up Jade?"

"I don't know. We can't help who we fall in love with." The Latina smiled at the soft caress of her silken voice. "You know, the sad thing is that Danny and I… we're the kind of people that burn obsessively right into each other. We do nothing but hurt."

"I always kind of thought you loved him."

"Yes, but I think I need something a little more concrete." She gazed at the Goth with an unreadable mask. This was absolutely crazy, so far beyond her usual realm of what she held dear – and yet she held no fear, no apprehension, just the lonely call inside of her begging to be complete. "I think that you and I should date."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Vega, this is the fourth time I'm calling you, get your knocked up ass down here as quickly as you can! And this better not be some sick, twisted joke, because that is MY job!" Jade slammed down the phone onto her table, drawing the stares of the fellow diners at _The Mermaid's Tail_. "_Mermaid's Tail_" muttered the Goth darkly, feeling an unusual blush heat the pale mounds of her cheeks. "More like _Mermaid's Ass_ with all this… mess is too good a word to describe it. And to top it off, she's late. She KNOWS I hate people being late." Her eyes widened in horror. "Oh dear God, this could all be part of her plan! This is payback for all those times I mocked her with that stupid Southern accent! Senjin could be here taping this entire thing!" Her eyes narrowed back to their normal size as she realized how ridiculous her mental ramblings sounded. A calming breath exhaled her pouted lips, easing back into her seat. The icy demeanor she held like a uniform was fast giving way to the kind of silly blonde behavior so typical of the other girls at Hollywood Arts. "Oh Vega… if I ever stop loving you, I will gladly slit your throat for making me like a lovesick puppy."

It had been two days, and forty-eight hours of total madness for the Goth. Even now, her mind would not stop obsessing over the Latina's words. "She thinks we should date… each other to be more precise. OK, I have officially stepped into some alternate reality." Truth be told, Jade's heart had done gymnast flips ever since she left Tori to the comfort of her ice-cream. She hardly dared to believe her luck; fearing that disaster might be lurking nearby, insidiously waiting to steal her thunder. Tori still hadn't given her a reason as to what had caused her sudden change of heart – it could have been from the sudden surge in hormones, but the Goth had a sneaking suspicion that Robbie's death and Cat's discovery of her pregnancy played equal parts of it. Her theory was that Tori currently felt some murky combination of guilt and desperation: it was as simple as her not wanting the Goth to follow Robbie's path and just wanting to fall and know that someone would definitely be there to catch her. Just thinking about it gave Jade tingles on her skin. "I've never done this for anyone before, not even Beck. It's scary how much I've invested in this already." She smiled to herself, feeling the streaks of pink return to her face. "You'd better be worth this."

"First sign of madness is smiling to yourself" came a cheerful whisper from behind her. Jade quickly hid her face into a blank mask as the Latina took her place on the seat right opposite her. She took in every detail as she tried her best to maintain her neutrality, letting her gaze linger on the playful smile playing on her lips. "You're late."

"I know, but it was a mission getting here" sighed Tori. She let her chin rest casually in her open palm. "Trina's not awake yet, so I pulled a Lara Croft and stole her car, all the while evading questions from my parents."

"You still haven't told them that a little bundle of joy is on the way?"

"I will. Just as soon as the time is right." She took a quick look around the less than tasteful diner. "Did you order already?"

"Yeah, I thought I'd get us the garlic bread since it's probably the only thing you can eat from the menu" replied the Goth flatly. She leaned forward in her chair. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"You know what." Jade breathed out deeply. "Look, if you're doing this because you feel sorry for me, we might as well call it quits here. I don't need your pity."

"And what if I said this was about me?"

"I'd say that it's pretty ridiculous that you can go from relationship-wrecker for the day to lesbian the next."

"Hey, I don't even know how to be a proper relationship-wrecker, whatever the hell that is!" Tori looked up thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, I don't know how to be a proper lesbian either; I was hoping you'd know."

"Vega, stop beating around the bush" snapped Jade, mentally rebuking herself for the less-than-tasteful pun. She watched with baited breath as the Latina shifted in her seat, contemplating her words carefully. Tori Vega at a loss for words – it seemed the revelations this week would never end. "Danny and I…" She rolled her eyes. "Even with Cat out of the equation, and no, I never ever wanted to get rid of her. Even, if she's gone, that still doesn't change anything between us. I love him and maybe a part of me always will-"

"Sounds absolutely wonderful" interrupted Jade softly. "You two should really get together."

"Just please let me finish before you make your sarcastic comments. Danny's too unpredictable for me." She motioned for the Goth to lean forward. "If I wasn't in my condition, I'd probably run away with him" she whispered quietly, unaware that her every word killed Jade slowly. "But I have someone else to think about, and that takes priority."

"So you just decided that I'd make a good substitute?"

"I'm not expecting anything from you, if that's what you're asking. I just want to see where this takes us." Jade eased back into her chair, pondering upon the Latina's statement with the kind of precision a detective could be proud of. "You don't know what you're asking of me. If this ends, I don't know that I could move on from you."

"Well, we're not at that point yet. And whatever this is, whatever happens, I think that we'd both be OK with it."

"Don't be so sure." Tori folded her arms and looked serenely at Jade. Her eyes seemed to change their shade of chocolate at their own will, entrancing the Goth from her emotional fortress. It was a hard job from the beginning, but she didn't expect it to be this difficult. And this was something that she'd have to do if she was to move on from the mess that was her life. She'd really have to put herself in the lion's den for this one. "Jade, trust me. Please, that's all I ask" she murmured softly. Her voice was ever so quiet, raining upon the Goth's ears like silken waves. It was a beseeching spell, one that could not be defeated – the harder Jade fought, the more she was trapped. She had officially lost herself.

**Longest chapter to date! Please leave a review and let me know what you guys think ;) Till next time (which will be when I get a chance – I HATE WORK, DAMN IT!)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: The Forgotten People **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hello Jori fans, I am back! Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, your reviews and such really mean a lot to me. Anyway, here is the next installment to the saga and I really hope you all enjoy it It's kind of a short chapter, but I don't want to keep you guys from enjoying your Easter break, so sit back, relax, and remember you can only exit this flight once you review!

"_Beck, this is the tenth voicemail message I've left for you. Come on man, just pick up the phone and call me!"_ The Canadian winced at Andre's brisk shout echoing through his trailer. Without so much as a breath to stop it, he let his phone slide from his impassionate fingers down to the floor with a small clunk. Listening to his voicemail messages on speakerphone was clearly a bad idea, judging by the bolts of pain streaking through his head. He was sure that some teacher of his had prattled on about how the body reacted to emotional stress, where the boundary of physical and mental ceased to exist and any pain taken on was one and the same. "I think this is what they meant" he groaned, tossing his head back against the pillow. "_Look, I promise you don't even have to shower, just come out into the light Beck… no wait that means death! Stay away from the light!"_ Beck laughed softly as he felt a tiny bit of shame rise within him. If only Andre and the rest of them knew how easily he would welcome death at this point. Robbie's face still haunted him, irrespective of whether he was awake or asleep, serving as a constant reminder to the life he could not even reach out to, let alone save. It didn't matter what anyone else said – they didn't know what it feels like to be the brunt of a guilt so enormous, it blacked out the rest of the world. Robbie didn't slit his wrists for any one of them, only for him. "If you only told me Robbie" he whispered thickly. His ears completely blocked out the female voice signaling the next message. "I could have done something." He turned his head to the side and miserably soaked in the setting Los Angeles sun over the horizon, bleeding the city a beautiful shade of crimson. He was here by his own imprisonment, and no one else could rescue him. "I wonder if this is how he felt. To be so alone that you're beyond anyone's touch." He rolled his head back to its center and stared up weakly at the ceiling. Weariness seeped into every single pore of his body, twisting its decadently depressing blade right where it hurt the most. "To slowly lose yourself to the madness with every breath and feel your will slipping away from you… his hell, and my own. It makes absolutely no difference anymore."

"_Beck, it's me._" The Canadian's eyes flew open at the firmness of the voice on his phone. His body froze where it lay as it impatiently awaited more words. "Jade?" A strange, hollow thump cracked across his chest. "_Look, it's probably stupid of me to call you._"

"No it's not."

"_I'm the last person you want to see._"

"No" he murmured, barely feeling the overwhelming quiver in which his voice hid. His one savior had already broken his heart, but no hurt could be greater than this. "Save me Jade" he pleaded to the girl who wasn't there to hear it. "Make me live again."

"_This is kind of awkward, what with – well, you know, us, but there is something I want you to know. I'm coming over tomorrow afternoon._" Beck let out a stifled choke, feeling the sting in his eyes steal away his vision. Something deep inside of him had cracked, spewing forth eons of chaotic disillusion he didn't know existed. "_Beck, just because we've broke up; it doesn't mean I still care about you. Please, just let me know that you're OK. I know how easy it is to tear yourself up over something like this. Just don't do anything stupid. We've already lost one friend, don't let us lose another."_ The Canadian rolled his head into the soft embrace of his pillow, letting out every tear with a punctuated sob. How had things come so far that he lost his way so easily? Had it always been there, or did everyone go through this? "Someone… please, help!" he cried, pain roaring loudly inside of him. He wanted to live again, to forget that Robbie was gone – he wanted it all to end.

-xoxoxoxoxo-

Tori stared anxiously at her family, wishing for nothing more than the ground to open up and swallow her whole. The Vega household never usually came to a standstill like this, but today the Latina had successfully redefined history. "God, please someone say something!" she cried, furiously batting away a stray lock. Her mother shook her head, trying desperately to make sense of what her daughter had just shared with her. "Tori, how… no, I mean I know how, but what…" Her sentence trailed off pathetically into confusion. Raising her hand thoughtfully, she tried again to express her sentiment. "What possessed you to do something like this?"

"He was-"

"No, I mean I get the 'I love him' part. But surely you would have had to have known that… I mean, Tori, you're a smart girl, you should have used protection!"

"I'll break his neck" snarled the Latina's father through gritted teeth. "I will kill that son of a bitch!"

"Dad, this is just as much my fault as it is his" said Tori quietly. She watched in vague panic as her father paced around the couch restlessly. "Look, I've made a huge mistake here" she said, trying desperately to firm up her voice. "But I just want you guys to know that I'm… I'm going to fix this."

"Tori, no!" The Latina looked over to her mother's eyes so swimmingly full of compassion. "Don't you dare-"

"No, I am not going for an abortion Mom" said Tori firmly. "I could never do that."

"Then what's this big plan?" asked Trina concernedly, carefully watching her younger sister breath out a tired cloud of breath. Tori cocked her head quizzically at her sister. Out of everyone she knew, she expected the elder Vega child to be the most judgmental, but surprisingly she showed nothing but genuine concern for her sister. She was truly grateful for the absence of her scorn. "I want to go live with Aunt Judy in Sacramento."

"And leave us behind here?" asked Mr. Vega incredulously. "No freaking way baby girl."

"Tori, you can't just abandon your life here. I mean, it'll be a challenge, but we can all help you get through this."

"Yeah Tori, and besides, this can actually be a blessing in disguise" said Trina sagely. "Did you know that the best way to sort between the good nerds and the bad boys in the park is with a baby? While we're on the subject do you mind if I borrow your little whatever-gender-it-is?"

"Look, I really appreciate it all your support" said the Latina, feeling her voice break painfully within her. "It really means a lot that you can forgive me after this, but this is my problem, not anyone else's. I want to raise this kid by myself."

"With aunt Judy."

"Yes Trina, with aunt Judy." Mrs. Vega wrung her hands together nervously, crinkling her smooth skin into fine folds of anxiety. "What about Hollywood Arts?" she trilled, sending her voice up by several octaves. "You're so talented; you have such a bright future ahead of you!"

"Didn't you sacrifice your career when you had us?"

"That was different Tori, I wasn't in school."

"I'm not going to drop out of school." She dropped her gaze down to the floor. "I'm just redirecting where my life is headed."

"And what about Danny? Does he know anything about this?" asked the Latina's father venomously. Tori cricked her head up. "I don't want him anywhere near me. I can't afford to."

"He has to support his own child."

"He can support by staying the hell away from me." She ran a hand through her thick locks, praying that this entire ordeal was some nightmare that would end soon. Becoming a mother had changed everything, but then again, had she really been stupid enough to expect that it wouldn't? "Danny just tears through everything I've built around in my life and I'm starting to learn that I can't trust myself around him."

"Tori, are you really sure about this?" asked Mrs. Vega edgily. The Latina considered the question carefully. No, she wasn't sure at all. Leaving the life she had so carefully crafted behind was nothing short of the most exquisite form of torture for her, and to rub salt into the wounds, she had to learn to be a single mother. But this was her fight, and she damn well wasn't about to lose it. "Yes, I'm sure."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Can we go somewhere else next time?" asked the Goth causally, ignoring the Latina bang around the contents of her locker. "I don't have anything against garlic bread, but I think there are a whole lot of places that do it better than _The Mermaid's Tail_." She turned around to take in the bustle of the school before returning her attention to Tori's flustered face. "Why'd you pick such a out of the way place anyways?"

"I thought you might like the quiet" muttered Tori, letting her hands fly swiftly around the small confines of her locker. "You seem the type to avoid prying eyes."

"Aw, one date and you know me so well."

"No, two years of being at the brunt of your caustic sarcasm." The Goth frowned bewilderedly. "Why are you playing Street Fighter with your books?"

"Clearing out."

"The semester hasn't ended yet, why clear out?" Tori withdrew her head from the locker and looked over at Jade wistfully. Out of everyone, the Goth would be the she'd missed the most. There would be no cynical side remarks in Sacramento, no more wry half smiles to make her doubt herself… no more life. "Jade, there's something I have to tell you."

"Shoot."

"I'm leaving L.A."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"_Hey, this is Beck, I'm not available right now but please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can._"

"Beck, it's me again. Listen, are you home?" Jade's voice cracked with the depth of her heartache, feeling herself slowly erode underneath her aching loss. She had nothing left, not even love. "Are you home right now? I could really use a friend right now."

**Poor Jade Just when things were getting good! What'll happen next? See next time, and LEAVE A REVIEW! Happy Easter **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Untouchable**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters; some idiot named Dan thought them up…

**Author's Note:** Hey Jori shippers, what's happening? Sorry for the late update, but I've been busy with my other ships (fanfic ships, not literal ones unfortunately) and also I've just completed a huge ass project with my friend **Knightales** (work related, not fanfic). So a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, it really meant a lot to see all of those emails! I understand that the last chapter caused some confusion, so hopefully this one clears it up. Just FYI, anything written in italics is the past, and normal font is the present. So please sit back… relax… and enjoy…

"'I'm sorry'" whispered Jade thickly, feeling her words cut out of her throat like razors. The dark shadows of her room moved silently in fluid lines as the sun bled itself out over the L.A. horizon, each one taunting her for daring to be happy, but her grief blinded her from the outside world. "'I'm sorry' she says. Like it doesn't even fucking matter!" Of course it didn't anymore, nothing did. Her bliss had wilted down to a fleeting moment in the past. Only the occasional beat of the warring void where her heart had been gave any sign to why she was alive. "I knew you would make a fool out of me." The Goth's barely noticed the icy slice her voice had transformed into. The hurting rage inside of her beckoned her away from other emotions, cruelly mocking her for her vulnerable state, but possessing her all the same. "I knew this would happen, but did I care? No, because it was you. It's always been you who turns me out like this" she moaned, her hand clasped against her chest. Two burning tears streaked from the shimmering dark of her eyes, emblazoning identical paths of misery in their journey down her pale skin. Whoever said happily ever after existed was a cruel son of a bitch.

With a cry that seemed to echo right down to her soul, Jade threw herself at the patient yielding of her pillows, her eyes blurred by the searing sting of her tears. Memories are what she had now, worthless scraps of time that she'd have to live off of forever. How could she simply forget the way the Latina merrily curled her lips into her sparkling grin or the way her eyes narrowed to cocoa slits when she was angry. In between all of that was where she had fallen in love, where she had risked everything for her heart's desire, and now she was being torn from that loving sanctuary. "You've really killed me Vega" she whispered faintly, feeling her breath rise and fall with the ebb and flow of her heartache. "You've taken every fucking piece of me and shattered it on the floor." She let out a scornful laugh to try and appease the roaring monster inside of her, but pathetic sobs exited her instead. She wanted to say 'I hate you' to the face which haunted her so, but it would have been directed at herself instead of the one she loved. She could never let go, not when she was so willingly entangled in every little part of her. The pain she felt would only grow in its snaring tendrils, but it would be a small price to pay to ensure that the memory of Tori Vega was permanently stuck the bleak little world of her head.

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"_Let me get this straight: you're leaving Los Angeles to go where?"_

"_Keep your voice down" whispered Tori urgently, swinging her head from side to side. The bell had yet to ring, but the last of the stragglers were too busy to notice the beginnings of the altercation. "I'm going to Sacramento to live with my aunt." The Goth stared at her blankly. Her ears must have been deceiving her because it seemed too strange for the Latina to ask her out on a date one day and end things the next. "Sacramento? What the hell for?"_

"_Kind of obvious don't you think?" murmured Tori wistfully, gazing concernedly into Jade's bewildered eyes. The Goth took a step forward, lowering her eyes to the floor. She felt her heart race somewhere inside of her, sending adrenaline gushing throughout her body. This wasn't right; she had just begun to taste what true love had to offer. "Is your family making you do this? Because it won't just be me, none of us want you to leave."_

"_They have nothing to do with this. This is completely my decision."_

"_So you're just going to run away?" asked the Goth incredulously, still averting her gaze from the brunette's guilty watch. "This is your big solution, just up and leave to someplace else and hope your life won't catch up with you?"_

"_What the hell do you want from me Jade?"cried the Latina helplessly, throwing her hands up in the air. A forceful brush of her tender brown locks revealed the full force of her devastation, but still Jade would not look. Cursing under her breath the Latina grabbed the Goth by her arms and shoved her against the wall of lockers behind her. Jade let out a staggered yelp, feeling Tori's hand weave its way underneath her chin and push her head upwards to face the true mask of misery that she had been hiding away from the world. Lost in her own hurt, the Latina wanted it all to end. To hell with the friends she treasured here, she couldn't escape the crumbling remains of her life. "I'm pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's child" she said, tears misting over her gentle brown irises. "One of my best friends just committed suicide and the other won't even take my calls let alone talk to me because I hurt her so badly. Tell me Jade, if you know all the answers, tell me what to do!"_

"_Stay and fight!" shouted the Goth, pushing Tori away from her body. "Screw everyone else-"_

"_That's just it! I've hurt too many people here!"_

"_So rather hurt me instead?" Tori exhaled deeply, letting her sanity slide away with the errant cloud of breath bursting forth from her lips. Jade didn't get, but how could she when no one else did? "Rather the one for the many" she said quietly, feeling her stomach knot itself in angst as she watched the raven-haired girl widen her eyes. She herself had worn that expression so many times, a face where it was as if someone knocked the breath right out of her. Jade could hate her for what she was doing, but it wasn't about her now. Someone else took priority, someone who would become the sun and moon for her. The unborn clump of life slowly pulsing away inside of her was now her only obligation. "Tori don't do this" whispered Jade weakly. "Don't… please, don't leave me."_

"_I'm sorry." It was all she could offer – two meaningless words to console a lifetime of sorrow. It wasn't enough, but what else did she have to give? _

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Hey" came a soft whisper into the Goth's ear, slowly cajoling her mind away from the dark recesses it clung to so tightly. Jade let out an indifferent cloud of breath as she felt an affectionate hand curl its way around her hip. Even in her bleak state of mind, she found it strange that the Latina consumed most her senses. Her own hands seemed like strangers to her and anyone else's… she needn't have bothered. "How'd you get inside?"

"Well, it helps that your Mom trusts me enough to let me be alone with you in your room" said the Canadian quietly, losing himself in the thick forest of jet black of hair. He half smiled as he felt Jade's hand tenderly lay itself on his own, giving it a soft rub. Throughout his epic guilt, he had only longed for her, her words, her face, even her sarcasm to help bring him out of his prison. Now that she was going through the same thing, how could he not come? "Want to be miserable together?" he asked tentatively, gently closing the distance between her body and his. The Goth fidgeted in his grip slightly, but did not resist his comforting hold. Right now, it could have been the entire world holed up in here with her, and she wouldn't have noticed. Heck, someone could have slit her throat and she would have thanked them for sparing her the agony of carrying on with this measly existence of a life. "So you finally made the great trek to the outside" she whispered hoarsely. The sentence completely drained her of what little energy she had left, but she valiantly soldiered on. "How does it feel to be free?"

"It's not freedom. It's just a hell that follows me around."

"So I'm going to be where you are now?"

"There's one difference between yours and mine Jade" said the Canadian softly, his low voice rippling through the Goth's head. Jade allowed herself one tiny wry smile. "What's that?"

"I'm here for you." The smile fell from her face instantly. Just what she needed – just a hint of guilt to give all of that angst a bit more depth. Without leaving his protective grip, she rolled her body around in one graceful turn to face him. Her hand compassionately traced his face, falling into the light etches of misery that would soon become her own. "How come you don't hate me?"she asked, her eyes completely entranced by him. Beck leaned forward and placed his silken lips on her forehead. "The answer's been the same as always" he whispered. "I love you."

"I'm sorry I can't say the same" she said quietly, finally lowering her gaze to the white expanse of his T-shirt. "Not yet… I don't know if ever."

"Why do you feel the need to know what's going to happen? The world's not going to fall apart just because you don't have all the answers."

"Yours did" replied Jade smoothly, flattening her hand against the Canadian's chest. "And mine is heading the exact same way and the one person who can save it is gone."

"Not gone yet. You can still fight for her." Jade gazed deeply into his eyes, feeling herself melt away in his grip. She wanted to escape from here and cross seas to fight for her love, but her spirit was too weak. There was only so much she could take. She stretched up and placed her lips softly against the Canadian's, wanting nothing more than the sweet embrace of death to take her. "I'm tired of fighting."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"_Can't say I saw this coming" said the Canadian flatly as his widened eyes took in every detail of the broken girl standing before him. His face rearranged itself apologetically for his tone of voice. Taking careful steps towards the Goth, he hesitantly sat placed himself next to her on the small sofa, laying a feather light touch on her hand. She lifted her head and attempted a smile but the tears were adamant in their desolation. Her eyes were devoid of anything but the raw surge of gloom streaking through her body, robbing her of her ability to feel. She grew weaker with each passing second, her usual stubbornness replaced by an innate surrendering to the depths of her shattered heart. Tori Vega had crawled under her skin, became part of her, and before she knew it, erased her will to live._

"_I didn't see it myself" muttered the Goth. She slowly rocked back and forth on the sofa as she blankly looked ahead. "If I had known what would happen, I wouldn't have done any of this." She turned ahead and faced the Canadian. A wave of guilt gnawed away at her, but she had to do this. She owed him this much at least. "That's why I couldn't go through with us anymore. I thought…" She took a deep breath in to steel herself. "I thought that if I was honest with what I wanted, that it would actually happen, you know." She laughed coldly. "Guess I got what I deserved."_

"_No, you didn't. You don't deserve this." The Canadian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gently tugged her towards him. He felt a familiar spark fly up his spine as her head lay against his chest – he missed this so much. "Beck, I'm sorry" she murmured. "I can't… I just wish I could go back and stop all of this."_

"_Do you think that she's coming back? Even after the baby's born?"_

"_Her family's here, so maybe. I don't know."_

"_Last question: do you think that we can teach each other how to live again?"_

"_I don't want to know."_

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"_This is Jade. What do you want? Leave a message, and I'll get back to you if I feel like it. And if this is Senjin, I saw what you did. You'd better start running like your life depended on it, because my little freak IT SURE AS HELL DOES!"_ The Latina cancelled the call and flippantly threw her phone onto the bed. She wanted to say that this was the fourth time she had tried leaving a message, but each time the words caught in her throat. "It's for the best" she thought anxiously. "I've left her too hurt. Saying how sorry I am on a voicemail would only rub salt in her wounds." She stared at the green Pear-phone, awaiting some magical call from the Goth to say that she was fine and that she hoped everything went well for her in Sacramento, but the device stayed as silent as ever. "What am I, high?" She rubbed her palm across her forehead before letting it travel down her body to her stomach. "Guess it's just you and me now" she sniffed. "Jade, please… forgive me."

**So guys, what did you think? Leave a review and let me know Till next time, t4l signing off!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Triplicate Reflections, Part I**

**Disclaimer:** Kudos to Dan Schneider for coming up with _Victorious_… and _iCarly_… and _Drake & Josh_… and _The Amanda Show_… Damn, that guy is so freaking amazing, seriously!

**Author's Note:** Hey guys… I'M SO BEHIND WITH THIS! I know, I know, I'm sorry – but really it's been such an FML time at the moment, and I just can't seem to catch a break. But I'm here now… I think. Anyway, a huge thanks to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter; it really means a lot to me. Hope you guys like this one so please leave a review and tell me what you thought

"_Traitor" whispered the Goth's icy voice from behind the Latina. Tori didn't dare turn back at the dangerously silken whisper, focusing instead on the blackboard looming ahead of her. Her heart flippantly twisted itself in her chest, testament to the burden of guilt she was forced to bear for the rest of her life. It would be years, centuries even, before she could face Jade again. She was sure that the raven-haired girl's face would be nothing short of the very essence of wrath, and she was to blame. She nodded slightly to appease the Goth. "I am a traitor, aren't I?"_

"_If you have to ask, you obviously don't think of yourself as one" snapped the Goth irately. Tori felt a sharp bump against the underside of her chair. She lowered her gaze to the blank desk in front of her, ascetically keeping her mind focused on anything but the vengeful demon behind her. Her ears caught onto an incensed scoff. "But then again, if you can't bring yourself to face me; you must feel something. Tell me Vega, is a heartless bitch capable of feeling guilt, or is this just another way to show off your fancy acting skills?"_

"_What do you want from me Jade?" The Latina ran a desperate hand through her thick locks, feeling the acidic sting of tears starting to form in her eyes. "You think I don't put myself through hell every single second?"_

"_That's not your job." Instantly Tori felt a sharp pain embed itself in between her shoulder blades. Her breath eclipsed itself away from her body as she lowered her gaze to the floor. Glistening drops of ruby red blood pooled itself underneath her chair, slowly forming scarlet streams. "Jade…" gasped the brunette, clutching at her chest. A single tone of smug laughter sliced through the air. "I'll make sure you never escape."_

"Tori, wake up!" At the violent shoving of her shoulders, the Latina's eyes flew open and darted around the room in alarm. It took a few seconds, but the comforting eggshell tone of her bedroom walls reassured her that her nightmare had retreated back into her mind's dark abyss for now. With a grateful sigh, she sank back into the luxurious yield of her mattress and focused her attention on the concerned face staring straight back at her. The ethereally sapphire eyes of her aunt had become one of the first things that graced her sight every morning for the past couple of days, and she began to wish that this annoying morning routine would stop. Of late, her subconscious had become frighteningly talented at distorting every single person she held precious into demons in all but appearance. It was almost a certainty that her conscience weighed down on her far more than it should, but the courage to move on from Los Angeles and the life she left behind mockingly evaded her: her guilt was the only thing that defined her for now, and to simply let it go was not only a disgrace to her actions, but a kick in the face to the friends she had betrayed.

"That is it, today I'm making you an appointment with that shrink" said the older woman, pacing frantically around her niece's bed. "This has been going on for far too long!"

"I'm not going insane Judy" said the Latina flatly, lightly pressing her hand against her forehead. Amazingly, her morning sickness had cleared up as soon as the nightmares began – an outlandish trade, but at least now she could spend her time outside of the toilet's vicinity. As she closed her eyes, she heard the anxious shuffle of her aunt's bedroom slippers slow down to a halt. She could virtually feel the consternation ooze out of the older Vega. Out of her father's siblings, Judy had always been the eccentric one – emotional when the rest of her family was focused, and forever thinking with her heart. She too had seen her fair share of life's seemingly endless falls, but had found the strength to smile in spite of it all. Tori could only hope that some of her optimism brushed off onto her, God only knew how badly she needed it. She hated the pathetic fool she had become, always swaying to whatever depression reigned her head. The confidence she once possessed shattered before her, shards of what used to be laying at her feet, painfully reminding her of a time where all was well. "It's only a dream" she whispered faintly, but who she was trying to convince wasn't clear to her. Judy clicked her tongue impatiently. "Only a dream? Tori, when you start to get murdered in these dreams, it's a sign that something is very, VERY wrong. I mean, how did you die this time?"

"Stab wound to the shoulder area."

"And yesterday it was a gunshot. The day before that, you got trapped in a fire."

"You know, I'm beginning to regret telling you all that." The Latina's lolled around her pillow like a puppet. "It's just… when I came to Sacramento, I left a lot of unresolved issues behind there. I guess karma's catching up to me."

"You mean with Danny and Cat?" Tori exhaled deeply. "Amongst other things."

"Tori-"

"I am not going to see some shrink" said the Latina loudly. Judy let out a weary breath. "What do you want then?"

"For things to be like they were before."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Beck, be honest with me" said the Goth quietly, rummaging through the contents of her locker. The hallways of Hollywood Arts had yet to fill with the majority of its students. These early mornings were fast becoming a pleasurable habit of hers: the stillness of school was brimming with possibilities of what was to be, almost like arrows pointing her to some nirvana of emotional wisdom. It seemed that the days to come were heralding some transitional period in her life, and the sheer anticipation of it all frustrated her to no end. Last week, she had been paralyzed by the Latina's departure, unable to even draw a single breath without her heart shattering. Tori frolicked rampantly in her thoughts, playing wild with her imagination and throwing her to depths she didn't even know existed. It took every single iota of her willpower, but the blackened void stirring inside of her could not be denied. Every night she paid homage to her pain with tears that maliciously struck themselves across her cheek, worshipping her yearning with choked sobs. It seemed humanely impossible that one person could be so utterly devastated, but she knew that this was the price for loving someone completely. Through the brief sparkle of happiness, she had lost herself, and finding her way back was getting harder with each day.

"OK, I'll be completely honest with you" sighed the Canadian wistfully. "Justin Bieber and I were once neighbors"

"That's not what I mean."

"I'm serious! Who do you think taped all his Youtube videos?" Jade gently pushed her locker door shut as she threw Beck a weary grin. "And yet you didn't get any credit?"

"Not even a tweet. Damn that son of a bitch." The Goth shook her head. It was a chore, but she had to remind herself that Beck was in the same boat as her – and if he wasn't, he was surely sailing around the same sea at least. Their shared pain at loss, flavored by their different shades of guilt, cancelled each other out in a strange way. Through phone calls, compassionate silences; even shared burritos, they brought each other just a little bit of sunshine to their dreary worlds; but even this wasn't without its own set of angst. She was grateful to him for being there and understanding her when he could have easily discarded her as Tori had, but what exactly did he expect of her? He couldn't be so selfish as to want to pick up right where they left off. What was she doing here with him anyways? "Beck, be serious. I need to ask you something."

"I don't want anything from you." The Canadian blinked smilingly at the raven-haired girl, his smirk growing exponentially at her bemused mask of a face. "For someone who wants to be so mysterious, you're pretty easy to read you know."

"How'd you know?" asked Jade softly, averting her gaze as the heated crimson tinged her cheeks. It wasn't that she was embarrassed by Beck's statement, but his ease of reading her every emotion unnerved her. "Just had a feeling" said the Canadian, shrugging his shoulders. He wrapped his arm around the Goth and slowly led her to the middle of the hallway. "I didn't know for sure until this morning though. You get quiet when you're nervous."

"Well, what do you want?"

"I don't know yet" said Beck softly, cocking his head quizzically. "I suppose we just take it one day at a time?"

"You know that one day we'll have to give a name to… whatever this is" said the Goth, her voice edged with a distant anxiety. "We can't keep circling each other forever."

"Do you want to go back to how we were?" Jade let out a deep exhalation. "I want to be happy again."

"Then there you go." With little warning, Beck pulled the Goth into a loose embrace, running his hand protectively across her spine. Jade's body froze instantly, but the comforting touch of someone else broke through her frosted demeanor. She pressed her head against his chest, hearing the light lullaby of his heartbeat against her ears. In this whole screwed up mess where hurt was the only constant, how was it that the only place she found solace was in the arms of the one she betrayed. She was a sucker for punishment, no two ways about it – she was drawn to sadness like a magnet. It seemed that Fate had already decided that her path would be one full of wasted effort with little reward: her heart would always remain in the little smithereens it was in now… it was only a question of when the next big wave of sorrow would come. "Jade, why do you always have to put a name to things? Why can't we just be together like this?" crooned Beck, his voice like smooth velvet. The Goth trembled in his grasp. "As friends?"

"As whatever you want it to be."

"Because we'll get hurt. We always do" said Jade thickly. Her hand shook as it travelled up, resting lightly against his solid torso. It seemed so gloriously painful that her rock was the same person that wound her guilt up so tightly. "And I'm tired of the pain." Her dark eyes gazed up at him, swimmingly pleading for a rescue from the rest of the outside world. "I want to let go Beck. I want to be free."

**Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that Beck just might be up to something? And will Tori's nightmares ever stop? And what will Jade decide? Leave a review and find out ;) Till next time!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Triplicate Reflections, Part II**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters… what else is new?

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, what's up? I want to than everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, I really feel like hugging all of you. Campus started again, so that means even less time to write, but I will try my best so here's the next chapter, please let me know what you think! Oh, and like the last chapter, everything in italics is in a dream ;)

"_Baby, don't you want this?" The Latina's breath grew harsh, playing up the sweet chaos of her heartbeat as she stared at Danny. Isolated from all she knew, she had nowhere to hide from the man she loved in this beam of velvet darkness. The brunette offered her a warm smile, staring imploringly at her, rendering her naked right down to her soul. She was powerless when he was this close, she always was – God had a really sick sense of humor when he wanted to. "Danny, I don't know about this anymore."_

"_Why not? We'll be a family, just the three of us."_

"_I don't want my… our baby to be the reason for us to be together. As it is, everyone else has turned their backs on us." Danny's eyes twinkled wistfully, enchanting Tori into losing her breath. This definitely wasn't right for someone to unknowingly have so much control over anybody. She could have cared less about what people thought of her, but to know her child haughtily judged by the rest of the world? It was far too much to ask of anyone whose only crime was being conceived passionately into existence. Whatever damned swirl of emotion her heart still clung onto for Danny had to be ignored completely for the rest of her life to fall into place. From now on, she could define herself only as a mother, not paint her world in any of the dreams she might had. This would be her blessing and her curse, to bring someone so beautifully untainted and pray to God that they stayed that way. "You and I can't do this anymore" she whispered thickly, gazing at the brunette's angelic façade through the despondent haze of her tears. She choked in a breath, clutching her stomach protectively. "I can't keep hurting people like this."_

"_Don't say that babe, you don't mean that." Danny reached out his hand to gently caress away the falling cascade of regret from the glazed mahogany eyes watching him ever so carefully. "I know this is hard-"_

"_No you don't! Danny, I've given up my entire life to do right by this kid. I've left my family, my friends, my hope; everything when I left Los Angeles!" Tori shoved the brunette's affectionate touch away, gasping for breath against the rising blackness of her melancholy inside of her. "I've given up everything to become someone I never thought I would be. And that's fine with me, but don't you dare walk in here and expect me to fall into your arms!"_

"_But it worked, didn't it?" The Latina turned her head to see a small figure walk into her sight from nothing, almost by some arcane force that played on her every fear. The smaller girl gazed emptily at her, her pale face set in stone against the sharp pink tinge of her locks. "I mean, you wouldn't have gotten knocked up if you didn't love him."_

"_Cat, it's not like that!"_

"_Isn't it Tori?" said the brunette softly, catapulting the Latina's body into a melting weakness, seductively robbing every one of her senses. "Tell me you don't lose control every time I'm this close to you."_

"_I should have known" whispered the redhead silkily, lifting her hand up out of the darkness. A metallic gleam flickered brightly from her fingers, striking a thunderous bolt inside the Latina. "Cat, don't."_

"_See, the thing is I know that I'm a complete idiot, but this… this is pathetic even for me." A loud click echoed through Tori's ears, causing her heart to dance rampantly as the redhead settled her fingers on the gun's trigger. "I love you so much babe" said Danny, slipping his hand into hers. Cat wound a wry smile onto her featureless mask, almost amused by the two betrayers standing before her. This moment was hers, it was her right. There would be no looking back from here, just the sweet adherence to a future without the sting of this pain. "Goodbye Tori."_

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Tori, how long have you been having these dreams?" The Latina shuddered as she stared ahead at the bespectacled woman, unable to hold her questioning gaze any longer. Being locked in a room and forced to bear her feelings to a complete stranger wasn't exactly conducive to any sort of therapy in her opinion. At this point, revealing herself to be a knotted mass of guilt to anyone simply wouldn't help – she had gone too far in this to resolve it by dragging someone else into her path. "Ever since I came to Sacramento" she sighed wearily, running her hand through her locks. The waterfall of thick hair hid her from the full extent of Dr. Roche's burning scrutiny. To her, this wasn't a sanctuary; this was just another place to be looked down upon, judged by better mortals who had yet to commit the emotional wrongs she had. Judy had insisted upon her going, eyeing her like a Rottweiler for the better part of the morning to make sure she made kept her appointment. Truth be told, this was force-fed torture than anything else: she would have rather counted the ways her subconscious had yet to kill her.

"Look, can I say something?" asked the Latina, suddenly becoming highly interested in her fingernails. Without a pause for breath, she continued, finally pulling the stray frosted brown strands of hair away from her face. "I'm not so sure how all of this is meant to help."

"You don't?"

"Of course not" she breathed sardonically, casting her iron-clad gaze around the sparsely decorated room. Clearly Dr. Roche believed in absolute minimalism: the white walls practically poured through with their reflected sunlight, forcing an eternity of space between Tori and the shrink, leaving nothing to hide behind. "This is my problem, OK?" said the Latina firmly, focusing on a stray ray of light bouncing off the floor. "I'm here because of my actions, and nobody else's. I don't want anyone to help me more than they already are."

"Why do you feel that your guilt is so much greater than anyone else's?" asked the shrink, heatedly striking her pen across the page in copious amounts of notes. She paused to rearrange her glasses in the most clinical manner possible before gazing up to meet the Latina's livid stare. "Did I say something wrong?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean why do you feel like the whole entire world is on your shoulders?" A loud scoff punctuated the air, matching the Latina's look of wrathful disbelief impeccably. This woman didn't really draw any boundaries when it came to honesty. What right did she have to throw her opinion anywhere without knowing the countless hours she put into the war against herself? "In case you haven't noticed, I'm about to become a single mother" she whispered icily, narrowing her chestnut irises to slits. "I'm not responsible for myself anymore. I have to think about every single consequence before I do something."

"And that goes against everything you are, doesn't it?" Dr. Roche cleared her throat before continuing, braving the ever-passing shade of crimson rage heating her client's cheeks. "What I'm trying to say is that you've punished yourself enough already. Isolating yourself in a town where no one knows you is only a way to get even more lost in your pain."

"You don't know what the heck you're talking about."

"Don't I? Tell me, in six years time, what will you tell your kid when he or she asks you why they don't have a dad? What will you say to them in fifteen years when they want to know why Mom never married?" She leaned forward to watch the Latina carefully over the rims of her spectacles. "What answer will you give when they're twenty and ask you why you've been punishing yourself all these years?"

"Boy, you really know how to make it hurt, don't you?" asked Tori softly, fidgeting with her fingers in anxious desolation. The shrink smiled sympathetically, dropping the notepad and pen to her lap. "Tori, I'm not trying to make you seem insignificant here. What you've been through would change anyone, no doubt about it. But staying in this place that you've set up doesn't help you or your child. You need to let go."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"You're awfully quiet" said the Goth softly, carefully watching the pink streaks of her friend's hair flutter carelessly in the cool touch of the breeze. She couldn't bring herself to focus on Cat's face, not in all of it's fragile destruction, just waiting for the last piece to bring it all crumbling down. In her mind, Jade fretfully cursed Beck for running off to do some stupid errand, abandoning her to the traps of her own mind. The pain was slowly starting to numb itself out, but she still wasn't sure that she was capable of fully interacting with another person's company, least of all the one person whose heart had to deal with equal poisons of heartache and betrayal, making the Goth's hurt seemed like irrelevant slivers in comparison.

"I'm sorry Jade" murmured Cat distantly, not bothering to fully face the Goth. "I'm not sure what to be right now." She gave a miserable sigh to fill the air before returning her attention to the mirthful laughter of her fellow Hollywood Arts students. Was it hard for them? Were they genuinely happy, or did they too have a shattered heart lurking behind their smiles? In between so much happiness, she seemed like the black sheep, attracting every possible form of gloom to her once blissful essence. It wasn't that she wanted to dwell in her sorrow – she simply didn't know how to move on from it. Her true love and her best friend, dreaming a perfect love story with a child in tow; and she was the spectator to it, destined to watch them from glass houses, free to look, but never to feel again. When it came right down to it, it wasn't hers to own. Danny had been such a huge part of her being: with him gone, her world refused to stop crumbling.

"You know, you're pretty quiet yourself" whispered the redhead, snapping the Goth's head around with her words. Cat smiled sadly, seeing her friend's bemused frown from the corner of her eye. "Aren't you going to tell me to snap out of it, or get over him?"

"It's not my place to." Jade fiddled awkwardly with the strap on her bag. "Listen,-"

"You knew the whole time. Tori told you and you gave Danny the third degree about it. He told me." The Goth froze in her tracks, feeling her heartbeat rise in stricken crescendos, not for herself but for the broken spirit standing beside her. The school corridors seemed to narrow as her breath condensed into silent gasps. "I'm sorry for the way things turned out Cat. You… you of all people don't deserve this."

"Maybe I did. Somewhere, maybe something was wrong with us. It doesn't make me feel any less crap, but it could be the truth."

"This wasn't your fault."

"Yeah? Tell that to my head, it's pretty screwed up right now." The redhead turned her head away wistfully. "Thank you for sticking up for me Jade."

"Cat-"

"But you can't save me from feeling this. Just like you can't stop Danny and Tori from being together, wherever the hell they are now. It's just… the way things were meant to be."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"_You're not the Tori Vega I know" said the puppet master quietly, gently gazing at the Latina with his delicate expression. In the darkness he glowed ethereally, leaving no detail of Tori's face hidden. "How can you expect me to be the girl you knew Robbie?" she asked quietly, raising her hand to shield herself from his harsh beams. "After everything that's happened, you really think I'd still be the same? I'm a traitor now."_

"_You're confused. You can't help loving him."_

"_I don't love him, not anymore." She dropped her gaze to her feet despondently. "I can't."_

"_You're not going to love anyone if you keep this pride up. Not your family, not your kid, not even yourself." He cocked his head smilingly. "Forgive yourself Tori."_

"_I don't know how" said the Latina hoarsely, lowering her hand to bask in the light once more. "Everyone keeps telling me to move on, but I don't know where to go."_

"_Sure you do. You go back to the person who's been there from the start."_

**Well guys, that's it for now. I'll try and update this soon though What did you think? Poor Cat and Tori! Leave a review and let me know! Till next time!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: The Journey Of Breathless Souls**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters, but it would be so awesome if I did!

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, how's it going? Don't worry, this story hasn't been abandoned! It's been a busy time because I've just finished up one of my other pieces in another category, plus I've just finished my last semester of campus before graduation (YAY!). I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed and alerted the story while I was away; you guys have been a major source of help. So without further ado, here's the next chapter, please enjoy and let me know what you think!

"Are you feeling OK?" asked the redhead, her eyes warily studying the Goth's hazy impassiveness as they walked across the hall. Jade's ears barely picked up on her friend's words, her head sent spinning into its usual orbit of infinity. Slipping her head into the most vulnerable of nods, she focused her attention on the intense conversation being passed back and forth between Andre and Beck on the other side of the passage, feeling her stomach plummet several notches across her body. "Yeah, I'm great."

"You really don't look like it." The raven-haired girl nodded once more, barely acknowledging the bright pink bob of frustration growing evermore impatient next to her. As if sensing her yearning gaze, the Canadian picked his head up to return her stare, throwing her a warm grin that sent butterflies aflutter in her blood. The Goth felt a heated pink tinge her cheeks as she quickly turned her head to Cat, silently fighting off the zealous thunderbolt set down her spine. "What were you saying?"

"Do you want me to take you to the nurse or something?" asked the redhead, narrowing her eyes suspiciously as her hands flew across the dial of her locker. "You're way off."

"I'm fine" said Jade quietly, dropping her gaze with an articulate sense of shame. She didn't know why her mind rang with all the alarm bells of a lovesick schoolgirl or why Beck Oliver of all people was the one to set them off. Whether it was because her face of late had begun to crack with every spectrum of emotion she felt or because he knew her inside out, the Canadian had read her inside out, his words still ringing through her soul like healing light. "_I don't want anything from you_." Six simple words to wring her very being inside out – by now she had acquainted herself with enough pain to learn that the only way of getting through it was to lower her expectations until even the most unlikely consequences seemed to become possible. Karma had a funny way of working itself through love: the very person she had dismissed form her life was starting to become the rock that kept her steady. It scared her to no end to know that he would save her after the hell she sent him to, that he would be her angel to save her from the darkest illusions she could conjure up for herself, all the while with that noble smile on his face and purest of intentions in her heart. If this really was part of her nightmare, she would crumble to nothingness for sure. The only reason she had made it this far out of her loop of melancholy was because of him. "If you leave…"

"It's cute the way you look at Beck like that" said the redhead absentmindedly, groping her hand around her locker like some kind of literary pervert. "Danny used to look at me like that. You know, before screwed one of my former friends and got her knocked up." Jade frowned bewilderedly. "Former, Cat? Really?"

"What do you want me to say Jade? That I forgive her despite what she did? It takes two to tango, or in this case, fu-"

"Yeah, I get it thanks" said the brunette sardonically, turning her head once more to the Canadian for one final sweep of him. Like it or not, Cat was right – Tori was caught in this storm because of her inability to resist the sweet temptation enticing her, something the Goth was all too familiar with. "You really don't want to be friends with her anymore?" she asked softly, flicking away a stray ebony lock with an elegant shake of her head. Cat temporarily paused her locker search, staring deeply into its grey depths as she contemplated her friend's question. "Maybe sometime in the future" she murmured, withdrawing her hand back to the vicinity of her body. She turned to face the Goth, her eyes blanking over in an emotionless sea, nearly stealing the taller girl's breath away. There was a whole depth to Cat Valentine that the entire world wasn't a part of, a full range of maturity that was beginning to emerge from the cracks of betrayal. It was more than devastating that someone as innocent as her had to traverse across these treacherous sands with her, that her own world once so full of light and laughter and shattered just easily as it her own did, perhaps even with more force. "I really can't think about something like that now" said the redhead, pulling her taller friend out of her thoughts. "The more I see them in my mind, the worse everything gets and I… I just stop. I don't want to be one of those people who's weak enough to fall apart because of someone else."

"Cat-"

"Jade, just… just don't OK? I'm trying to be happy and move on from this. After all this crap, I think I deserve this much at least." The Goth smiled sadly, feeling her chest beat out in painful waves of misery. "Yes you do."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"So how's therapy going?" asked Judy lightly, using the pretense of handing her niece a healthy portion of toast to start up a conversation. The Latina turned her head to face her aunt solemnly, her eyes almost glazed over in a graying curiosity under the heavy beams of Sacramento sunlight. Tilting her head, she reached out slowly for a slice of toast, bringing it up before her limpid chocolate irises to study every groove and bump etched onto the rough golden expanse. "It's like having someone reach into your chest, grab a hold of it and squeeze like there's no tomorrow."

"How very… gory."

"I'm not going back" said Tori quietly, tentatively taking a bite out from the corner from her slice of toast. A couple of whisperingly furious chews and a swallow later, she set her eyes back onto the older woman with a vacant glare. "If I wanted to waste money on having someone to insult me, I'd have paid Ja-" Almost instantly, the air caught inside her throat, painfully stifling the rest of her sentence. Shaking her head with a suppressed cough to clear the painful lump, she lowered her gaze to her plate of blonde squares. The thought of the Goth was still too fresh for her to react normally, whatever the definition of that sweet paradise might be. Her rapturous betrayal had wounded her most of all, falsely promising the hope of a returned love and then falsely snatching it away. No doubt, Jade West must have been seething with an entire rainbow of wrath beneath her skin, bleeding from the heart she had so willingly offered only to have it unceremoniously stamped upon. The Latina lips quivered slightly, feeling her void spike soullessly into infinity for a single burning pulse of time. When it came right down to it, she wasn't even fit to walk the very ground beneath her, let alone seek forgiveness.

"Who would you have paid?" asked Judy, abandoning her generous spread of jam to look over with a consternated twinkle in her eyes. The Latina lifted her head to offer a weak smile. "Jade West. Just some mean girl back at Hollywood Arts."

"I really think you should go back Tori. I mean, it can't hurt to talk to someone outside of this entire situation about all of this."

"There's you. You're not stuck in any of this." Judy let out a delighted chortle. "Well, true. But I'm your aunt, so I'm automatically taking your side. You need someone unbiased."

"She basically said that I'm being a martyr" exclaimed the Latina, throwing her hands in the air with a poignant sense of exasperation. "She kept going on about me taking the entire world and placing it on my shoulders and that I'm isolating myself out of guilt."

"Well, aren't you? Judging by those dreams you keep having, you'll never rest until Cat drives a knife right through that pretty little chest of yours, which by the way is beginning to grow quite nicely." Tori's eyes made a series of journeys from her torso to her aunt's amused line of sight in a matter of seconds, her face helplessly giving into the streaks of quizzical innocence. "Really? You think my boobs are growing bigger? They don't feel any different."

"Well, it's a nice change from the mosquito bites you had" smiled Judy knowingly, resuming her liberal jam spreading. "Now about this guilt?"

"Look, I never came to Sacramento to run away from anything or anyone" said the Latina blithely, pushing away her mountain of toast. "I came here to start over because I didn't want Danny or anyone else to interfere with life anymore."

"What is it about that guy that makes you riled up anyways?" Tori shook her head away, closing her eyes as the exhaustion crept up to curl in every nook and cranny of her body, nearly dragging her away into their realm of monotonous oblivion. "He's something that never really went away. Even though he was with Cat, there was just so much I wanted from him specifically."

"You got that. In spades."

"Tell me about it. And then when he told Cat about what had happened… it's like the entire illusion broke, on the surface at least. I couldn't handle her of all people hating me."

"Then you did run away" said the older woman sagely, taking a bite out of her thickly slathered slice of bread. "Albeit for a slightly noble reason."

"I thought you said you're taking my side" smirked the Latina wryly. Judy shrugged her shoulders. "I work with what I have."

"You know what the worst part of it all is? Part of me thinks that that shrink might be right. There wasn't any reason for me to leave L.A. the way I did, but I did anyways because I wanted the easy way out." The Latina dropped her gaze once more, feeling her heart explode in daggers of pain. "I wanted it all to stop hurting so much."

"I don't think that something as complicated as this ever goes away like that. You just keep going on until it just doesn't hurt anymore, and that doesn't have anything to do with where you are or who you're with."

"So I did the wrong thing by coming here?"

"I'm afraid that you're the only one who can answer that sweetie" said Judy softly, grabbing her niece's hand with her own free one. "But I will say this – no matter what you choose, you have a family that loves and supports who you are and what you do. Even if this entire world chooses to go away, you'll still have them." Tori smiled faintly. "I hope you're right Aunt Judy. They might be the only ones I have left after all this."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

Jade's breath caught obsessively at the arch of the Canadian's neck, her body shuddering as she felt his fingers lightly catch themselves in the sea of jet black hair. Laying her head down to his chest, the wistful lullaby of his heartbeat comforted her, almost easing her into the heavenly nonchalance igniting across her body. "Can I be honest with you?" she asked softly, feeling her head shut down her worries from earlier in the day. The lone window in Beck's trailer streamed full of light from the cars that passed outside, each beam of light passing across the wall in a series of acrobatics before disappearing back into the darkness. The Goth nearly allowed herself a smile as she felt the Canadian's chest chuckle jovially. "Like you could ever be anything else."

"I never would have thought that we'd be here like this."

"Well, you can always go back home you know" said Beck, the faux arrogance in his voice curling the Goth's lips into a smirk. "Besides I'm beginning to think you're too clingy anyways."  
>"No, you ass. I mean for people who just broke up, we're comfortable with each other. Too comfortable."<p>

"Well, I don't know what the hell we are, but I kind of like that there could be something between us." The smile immediately left Jade's lips, leaving her heart to do its usual anxious acceleration. "Beck, I-"

"Jade, relax. Just because there could be something there, doesn't mean there has to be." He let out a fluid exhalation into the air, rolling his head back onto the pillow. "We're just two people helping each other through our heartbreaks."

"God, this even sadder than being friends with benefits. At least those people get to have sex."

"Well, let's not rule anything out here" laughed the Canadian quietly, stroking the Goth's temple lightly. A barely-there moan escaped his lips as he felt her hand leap across his chest, pulling him closer towards her. There was something beautiful about the anonymity of the entire thing – not quite friends or lovers, but something akin to affectionate acquaintances. They didn't have to define anything between them anymore, the small moments they shared together like this said it all. There was no pride in the fact that Jade would have gladly sacrificed him to have Tori back or that her company kept away the ghosts of guilt he felt after Robbie's suicide. They were just part of the strings that bound them together at the right place and at the right time, nothing else to it.

"Do you still think about him?" asked the Goth, gently tugging at the Canadian's shirt to get his attention. Beck closed his eyes slowly. "I can't not stop thinking about him."

"You hide it well."

"I think I'd be a mess if I didn't." Another cloud of air escaped his lips, this time more yearning than anything else. "Sometimes I wondered what I would have done if he actually told me that he loved me. Like maybe just enter this fake relationship with him just to keep him happy."

"Anything fake isn't worth it" said Jade, turning her head to follow the latest spots of lights on the trailer walls. "When he would have found out your heart wasn't in it, it would have made things so much worse."

"But that's just it. Could I have loved him?"

"Anything's possible. A year ago, I wanted to slice Vega up like a Christmas ham. Now look where I am."

"I guess we'll never know now" said the Canadian, clicking his tongue impatiently as he turned his head to the side. Jade nuzzled the side of her face against his shirt. "How are you dealing with it?"

"I have my moments. I just try to take it one day at a time." He rolled his head back onto the pillow. "How do you deal with it?"

"By being angry at her. Or at least trying to be." Beck frowned bemusedly. "You can't?"

"Being angry means that I have to fight. I'm tired of fighting, I just…" The Goth sighed wistfully. "I just wish I could skip to the part where I moved on."

"Who says you have to?" Jade lifted herself from Beck's chest, staring deeply into the shimmering cocoa of his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you love her?" The Canadian effortlessly lifted his body up, slipping his hand into Jade's. The Goth's gaze faltered. "I don't know anymore" she murmured, turning her head away. Beck reached out his hands to cup her cheeks, turning her face back towards him, towards the intense rays of his watch. "Look, it's OK. Do you love her?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because I think I can help you get her back."

**So, I'll say it… HAS BECK GONE MAD? What is Jade going to do? And more importantly, what did you guys think of this chapter? Drop a review and let me know! Till next time!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Hello World, Please Listen**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** No, don't you dare send out those funeral notices! I AM ALIVE! What's happening everyone? I know, it's unforgivable that I haven't updated this story in ages, but things have been so hectic since I graduated in December, and then I got this new job, and things sort of went off from there. But I am here now and that is what matters! So last time, Beck had a plan for Jade to get our favorite Latina back. What is he planning? Well, let's read on and find out…

The Los Angeles sunset burnt through the thick veil of curtains, its heated haze stirring up the Goth's heartbeat into an anxious overdrive. With serpentine elegance, she disentangled herself from the Canadian, her eyes melting into fiery pools of hurt. Maybe she didn't hear him properly because she knew the truth – it kept piercing her straight through the heart like some kind of wanton dagger to remind her that this wasn't some histrionic fantasy; this was as real as the air she breathed. There was no way to undo what had already happened. If Beck thought that it was simple to snap his fingers and bring Tori back, he was even more deluded in his optimism than she was in her pain. "You did not just say that" she whispered faintly, never once allowing her eyes to leave the sympathetic study of the Canadian's gaze. Beck pulled himself up across the pillows, arching his eyebrow with the distant interest of a scientist. In all their time together, Jade had never once worked herself up into this kind of emotional storm. Sure, she got possessive, even dark; but not even for a moment did she allow herself to become so utterly broken up over him that the pieces of her self didn't fit back together in the same way. He had to admit that it pained him a little, given that he practically would go to the moon and back for her, but then again he didn't fit back in exactly the same way either. Behind the smiles and the irrepressible laughs lay the hollowness of a thousand years, the emptiness of knowing he could have at least helped someone walk away from the edge of death, yet he didn't even suspect a thing. Jade West was a chance to redeem himself for everything that went wrong with Robbie Shapiro, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let this slip away from him.

"I said that I could help you get her back" said the Canadian softly, tilting his head quizzically at the Goth's startled choke. "Does that bother you?"

"I don't know Beck, does it bother you when someone keeps stabbing you?" said Jade thickly, narrowing her eyes to icy slits. "How can you say that so easily when-"

"You're hurting over her. You're in pain, and no matter what you say or do, you will never get through this" said Beck gently, slowly reaching his hand to lightly lock his fingers against hers. "Twenty years from now, you're going to look back on this and wonder why the hell you didn't run after her and how much happier you could have been."

"If only it were so easy for the rest of the world to think like you" murmured the brunette, averting her gaze to the sheets beneath her crossed legs. "I… There's too much that happened."

"Like what?"

"Us for instance." Beck took a short blast of air into his lungs. "If you really do love her Jade, I'll never stand in your way. All I want is for you to be happy, which is why I'm suggesting that we-"

"We do what Beck? Go to Sacramento and bring her back? She'll never come. And even if she does, do you really think everything will go back to normal?" She shook her head vehemently, feeling a sliver of nausea rise through the slight frame of her body. "This is just you dreaming."

"So dream with me." The Canadian pulled her across towards his body, feeling her breath collapse against his chest in one fluid exhalation. He grinned slightly as he lost his fingers across her raven sea of hair once more, soothing her barely-there tears with the mourning lullaby of his heartbeat. It amazed him that they still slotted together like this even after the tragedies that had wounded the both of them. Here they were, their bleeding hearts fused together in one passionate explosion of melancholy , and still they managed to echo some semblance of the relationship that existed before this, the broken foundations of which they rested on now.

"Even if you are OK with it, Cat won't be" said the Goth, closing her eyes against the tide of exhaustion she felt at all of this. She was so sick of caring, of pouring her emotions into something that didn't exist. How many tears had she cried? How many breathes did she refuse to take? She was slowly corroding herself by staying like this, but there was no way forward – at least none that she could see. "Just forget it. This, this is good for now."

"For now. And then what happens when it becomes too much for your little shoulders to handle?"

"Beck, please stop."

"Let's go" said the Canadian softly, loosely wrapping an arm around her body. "Even if she won't come back, let's go so that you can get some sort of closure out of this."

"I don't need-"

"Yes you do."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"This is a bad idea you Canadian fuck up" said Jade coldly, absentmindedly pulling her seatbelt across her body like some diagonal streak of her depression marked on her being. The sky was beginning to burn itself out, taking on the heavier shades of grey before whirling on over to the more sadistic brushes of evening. As the sun eventually completed its daily suicide over the horizon, the Goth felt her hometown spark to life in incandescent bursts of neon light. The past hour played across the recesses of her mind in indistinct snapshots. Her parents didn't seem to buy the flimsy excuse of going on some theatre course for the weekend, but somehow the urgent quiver in her voice seemed to hypnotize them into allowing her to go. Half an hour of packing and one ATM withdrawal later, and she was on her not-so-merry all the way up to Sacramento, feeling her heart do a cardiac earthquake with every second that passed. One did not necessarily need to be psychic to know the futility of this undertaking – like her, Vega had allowed herself to wallow in their mutual devastation for too long to ever see a way out other than ignore the gaping chasm splitting her in two and start life over where no one would ever know her story. In all her pining hours, the brunette had often wondered how much greater the Latina's pain must have been for her to rip herself away from this existence to begin over with absolute blankness, how much more she had to endure that it simply gave her the right to disappear one fine day leaving her once off girlfriend to crumble into the ruby red shards from once she came. "She'll never come back" ruminated Jade darkly, slightly marveling at how Beck simply placed himself into autopilot as he drove. "So why do I want to see her so badly?"

"What are you thinking about?" asked Beck softly, slowly causing Jade's head to turn with the quiet abeyance of his voice. The Goth closed her eyes exasperatedly. "I'm thinking of what an idiot I'll look like when she doesn't come back. Actually, make that what an idiot you'll look like since this is your plan. Do you know what you're doing right now? You're disgracing Canada."

"I don't think that now's the best time for you to be proud" said Beck smilingly, running an errant hand through his locks. "Or use disparaging stereotypes about the Great North."

"See, that's what I'm talking about! You're disgracing a disgraceful nation! I mean, how is that even possible?"

"So basically what you're saying is I'm the Canadian Edward Cullen?" sniggered Beck, shifting into fifth gear with a careless flick of his hand. The engine roared briefly into the few seconds of silence falling between the both of them before diving back down into its low hum. Beck smirked to himself, staring impishly at the road ahead of them. "I miss this."

"What? Discussing your country's backwardness?"

"Well-"

"I think the problem there is that you guys are so stupid, you don't know how incredibly stupid you are." Beck shook his head, nearly not recognizing the short rumble in his throat as laughter. "No, I mean I miss this. Us, the way we used to be."

"Can I ask you something?" Jade shifted uncomfortably in her seat, twisting herself over so that she faced the Canadian with a blank façade in place of her face. "Robbie… do you… do you miss him?" Beck frowned bewilderedly. "Of course. Don't you?"

"No. Well, yes, but I mean... if you knew that he was in love with you, what would you have done?"

"I… I really don't know." A quick throw of Beck's hand took the car down into fourth gear, then third, second and finally into first as a SUV in front of them slowed down to gradual stop. The Canadian pushed his legs onto the clutch and brake, sighing wearily in the growing hollowness. "I couldn't be with him like he wanted me to. It would have been a lie. I respect him too much to just ease my conscience like that."

"Some people respect you more if you do lie to them" said the Goth quietly, lowering her gaze to the gearstick. "The truth isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"It would have been worse if I did lie to him. He wouldn't have handled it."

"But then you could have had a chance to talk him down." Jade's words echoed through the Canadian's mind, a searing arrow in the face of his poignant determination. She really knew how to cut deep without even knowing it, but it didn't distract him from the point. "Yeah, I guess I could have done something."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything" said the Goth quickly, lightly gripping at his arm. "I just-"

"It's fine Jade. I'm meddling in your business, you're allowed to do the same with mine."

"That sounds so dirty. You're a-"

"Disgrace, yeah I got it. Look, there's a minimart" he said, pointing a finger vaguely to his left. Jade did a quick turn of her head to see a small square building loom ahead in the velvety darkness before giving the Canadian her undivided attention. "We're stopping?"

"Yeah, I'm starving disgracefully and all that" he smirked, flicking the car's indicator before pulling the gear right down to second. "You want something?" Jade half smiled at his question, letting her locks flow against the headrest. What she wanted she couldn't have, and what she did have she didn't want. All in all, she was no better than any other human being, something which didn't sit well with her at this point in time. Beck was doing his best to get her through this, even coming up with this cockamamie idea of bringing Tori home. It wasn't the fact that she might not come home that scared the Goth… what if she did? "I don't want anything."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Is this all ma'am?" asked the shop attendant lousily, aimlessly landing the Latina's box of saltine crackers into the packet with a nonchalant wave of her hand. Tori sighed softly to the air, pulling out a wad of ten dollar notes from her . How on earth did her life sink so low to revolve the ebb and flow of her nausea? The last couple of days had seen her devour nothing but the thin wafers of salty goodness alongside bowls of chicken soup that sung loudly with piping hot steam. Judy had watched with a heavy combination of amusement and caution as her niece effortlessly made her way through every single box of crackers in the house, forcing them to stock up on a weekly basis. It was just the Latina's luck that Fate had decided to let her run out of her culinary obsession at eight in the evening on a Friday night as opposed to some decent hour of the week. "How much do I owe you?"

"Nineteen ninety five ma'am."

"Hey, can I ask you something?" The shop attendant stared blankly ahead at the brunette, flicking her blonde hair away from her deadpan eyes with a wary shudder. "Look, it's been a long shift and I really just want this day to end fast so I can go home to my girlfriend-"

"Oh my God" said Tori softly, freezing her outstretched in the middle of her exchange of notes for packet. Her heart pounded excitedly, perfectly matching the melting cocoa of her eyes. "You're a lesbian."

"And you're freaking me out, can you just-"

"No, no; I just want two minutes of your time." The shop attendant gaze immediately forced itself into the utmost state of alarm. "No, I am not changing my sexual orientation, I am who I am."

"No, it's just… I have a friend who is lesbian. Or at least she thinks she is; and she's fallen in love, apparently, with another one of my friends."

"Ma'am, I don't think you heard me when I said-"

"Wait, this is the best part" exclaimed the brunette, carelessly tossing two notes from her crisp emerald roll before hiding it away in her purse again. "This other friend got knocked up by her ex-boyfriend who is dating their other friend."

"Is there a point to all of this?" Tori's mouth opened and closed several times, letting the bitter sting of the blonde's words slide down her throat like acid. Was there any point to her story at all? Was there an end to when she could simply forget about Los Angeles and moved on to the far less glamorous setting of Sacramento. "No, there's no real point. Thank you."

The weight of the feast of wheat crackers pulled the Latina's soul down to the very depths of her hell, or at least to someplace where time didn't exist. A point to this story… Sikowitz had always said that creativity had a driving force that came from within. Whether singer, actor or writer; one's inspiration must come from life itself. "But what if there is no life to inspire? What if there's just… nothing?" Already, she had been to the far side of infinity so many times in the contemplation of her pain, what more was there to do? At what point was she allowed to calmly walk away from this mess without any consequence whatsoever? She shook her head sadly, feeling her broken smile crack whatever will she had left. Never – she had cut too many swathes of betrayal for this ever to fade away. Jade, Cat, Danny… but most of all, that ball of life innocently snuggled inside of her. No matter what she did, this child would be marked forever as a product of regret, as a slip of her own willpower against someone that didn't even deserve her love. "Why?" she moaned, pausing her sad shuffle out of the small minimart to feel her ebony dread fill her entirely. "Why is this so hard?"

"Tori?" The Latina pulled her head up, feeling her being quiver at the familiar call of her name. Under the furrowed eyes watching her look back, she felt her heart race and slow in cathartic cycles of excitement, her breath catching up painfully in her throat. This was not happening. Not now, dear God not now when she couldn't fight back. "Beck?"

**Ok, I'll ask: what the hell is going to happen now? What is Beck going to do now that he's seen Tori? And what will our favorite Latina do now that her sanctuary's been violated? And why am I getting some serious Bade vibes? Leave a review and find out soon dear friends… ;) Ciao!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Lights Out, Part I**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, what's happening? I hope this chapter finds you all particularly well. A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, you guys rock. So last time we left off, Beck just ran into Tori at the store! What happens now? Well, get comfy and let's find out…

Gazing bewilderedly over at the Canadian, the Latina finally understood what it meant to say that time was a perception. Not a single heartbeat of hers had fully completed its crimson cycle since she stood before her friend right in the heated midst of her destructive confusion. The very air in her body stood stagnant in their pockets, waiting for their mistress to unfreeze herself from the delirium of mists crowding around her senses. No, time had all but abandoned her in its attempt to trap her in her hurt, to make her feel every cumulative piece of misery that ever existed across her sweet little mind. In a single second, every single flame of Hell licked at her conscience, gnawing away at her sanity. Fate was a bitch when it wanted to be. "God, it really is you" whispered Beck, his voice breaking across the eons of pain to the Latina's head. Tori nodded fearfully, her hand quivering over her stomach by instinct. Her heart lurched against her chest in sickening waves of blood, her hold on reality sent off into quaking orbit. She watched on as her friend took the first of tentative steps towards her, her feet bound to the ground by some arcane anxiety. Never more had she wished for being to dissolve against the divine comfort of the earth, to disappear far into her very own void where no one could reach her. Beck's arrival here could only mean one thing – the ghosts of Los Angeles had come back to haunt her.

Beck had yet to even come close to her, but his arms stretched themselves out to pull her into the most relieved of embraces, afraid that she'd evaporate if he even let her so much as breathe. "Thank God I found you."

"Beck, what are you doing here?" asked the brunette, her voice muffled against the Canadian's chest. She slowly slipped away from his arms, pulling her eyes back to meet the enigmatic warmth of his irises. Her stomach contorted itself around an anxiety-ridden axis as he let out a short sigh, his breath falling into the chasm between them. "It's actually kind of hard to explain" he murmured, never once letting his gaze move from her. He had come too far now to let all of this fall between his fingers. He could practically feel the delicate balance swing uneasily in the air like Tori was ready to bolt at any second. "I'm not going back" she said firmly, lowering her miserable line of vision to the floor. Beck cocked his head questioningly. "Then it's a good thing I'm not here to bring you back. You need help with that?" he asked, pointing to the lonely packet swinging in her grasp. The Latina shook her head, turning around as if someone would come rescue her from the trappings of this meeting. "I actually have to get home."

"Your home is in Los Angeles, you know. With us."

"I thought you said that you weren't here to bring me back." Beck shrugged thoughtfully. "I'm not. I'm just saying." Tori let out a soft chuckle, barely enough for the both of them to latch onto. Beck was the only person she knew that could take the insulting truth and make it sound so innocent. "Look, I appreciate whatever it is that you're trying to do, but I need to get home."

"Don't you think you owe her something?" The Latina's blood turned to daggers of ice at his words, chapping away at her skin. She didn't need to ask him who he was talking about – no, that particular person had long been on her mind ever since she fled to Sacramento. "What does that matter to you?"

"She's broken, and she won't let me pick up the pieces."

"You brought her here, didn't you?" asked Tori, narrowing her eyes to cocoa slits. Beck nodded once, watching as his friend swathed the air around her in an effort to calm herself down. "She needs closure" he said simply. "You're the only one who can give it to her."

"I did give it to her. When I left-"

"You left. You didn't say goodbye, you didn't tell us why, you just left." Tori breathed in weakly. "What do you want from me Beck?"

"It's not what I want. It's what she deserves."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Where exactly are we headed?" asked the Goth suspiciously. Her eyes made several questioning trips from the Canadian to the ebony snake of road ahead of them, back and forth with only a few seconds in between each questioning glare. She hated when Beck was like this – of all his traits, the solemn knowingness was the irate dagger stabbing through her chest. It was as if the whole world slowed down for her; stupid little Jade West trying her best to keep up with the emotional tapestry weaving her through the lives of others. It's a wonder she didn't collapse out of her unwittingly empathetic stupidity. Of course, she didn't need anyone to hold her hand – she was perfectly alright to walk across the raindrops on her own with nothing to comfort her but her own two arms. Yet, it seemed that her happiness always yielded to someone else's, whether it was Beck or a certain Latina harboring herself somewhere around here. Things never stayed the same for long in her story: tempests had brewed across her heart, unleashing their wrath across her mind. All she asked for was one moment, one small pause in time where things couldn't move, where they could freeze themselves… where she could stop feeling and finally construct herself again.

"I hate it when you get like this" whispered Jade softly, pressing her forehead against the cool slip of glass. The Canadian curled his lips into a half smirk. "Like what?"

"All superior and moody. Just tell me where we're going."

"I found her" said Beck quietly, slipping his foot over the clutch to effortlessly shift the gear. "She was at the store." Jade's blood thinned to ruby streams of ice, lowering her head until her gaze fully took in the quiver of her lap. It was starting to dawn on her that there wasn't a right moment for this, that there wasn't anything she could do to stop the foreboding luminosity bursting alarmingly through her head. What was she supposed to feel exactly? Happiness? Anger? Sorrow? At the end, what did it matter when she couldn't fully register anything? "And?"

"We're going to spend the night at her aunt's place" said the Canadian as if he were a travel agent of the smoothest degree. "I'll distract the old lady while you and she can… say what you need to say."

"And this was your big plan? To have her meet me like this and one five minute conversation later, it's all sorted?"

"No. But at least you'll know something" said the Canadian curtly. "And in the end, that is all that counts."

"For you maybe" murmured Jade, narrowing her eyes to frosted brown slits. "You're really invested in this, aren't you?"

"Yes Jade, for the umpteenth time, I am physically, mentally and emotionally invested in all of this." Beck shook his head wearily, realizing that the biggest obstacle in this entire tangle was right beside him. "Look, I… I just want you to be happy again."

"Even if it's without anyone else?"

"You're Jade West. You don't need anyone else." The Goth smiled as she let the depressing tranquility of his words break over the raging chaos in her head, stilling everything into silence. "If only that were true." Beck shook his head tiredly, keeping his eyes focused on the black snake of road winding underneath them. "I can't tell you what to believe anymore. I can promise you the world outside of this is all sunshine and rainbows, but it's not. But I will say this – wherever you go, I will be there." He turned to face the Goth, faintly acknowledging the bleak stare across him with a smile. It couldn't have been more than half a foot of space between them, but it may as well have been an entire universe. "I'll always be there."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"At this time of night?" asked Judy incredulously, watching her niece nod slowly as she placed her shopping endeavors on the kitchen counter. The older woman stared blankly for a moment, shifting on her feet. She could sense her niece's angst heighten itself considerably around the topic of her friends, spiking in incredible waves of anxiety that broke across her fragile face. "Are you sure you want this?"

"I don't know what I want" murmured the Latina, unconsciously hovering her hand over her belly. "Besides, they came all this way. I'm sure they'll go back in the morning."

"With or without you?" Tori frowned at the sudden clipped tone in her aunt's voice. She watched bewilderedly as Judy turned around and gingerly pulled out several glossy rectangles of paper. "These are the best schools I could find in Sacramento."

"Aunt Judy, I-"

"You came here to ask me for a new life. You asked me to help you move on from whatever it was that happened in L.A. That's what I'm doing." The younger woman closed her eyes painfully, savoring every bit of her utter destruction. She didn't know exactly what made this so hard, but one thing struck itself brightly in her head – she needed this to end, fast. She needed to accept the fact that this was her own doing, forgive herself for ever doing it and finally move on past the black void collapsing itself around her. There was something that needed to close itself on her old life, to die across itself spectacularly so that she could be reborn in her new avatar of 'mother'. Unfortunately, Jade West was key to that – the Goth represented something that she couldn't repress anymore. Tonight, this would end.

A sharp hoot from outside snapped across the cold air, bringing the Latina to her senses. She gave her aunt a guilty look before turning away, feeling her insides condense into sickening liquid. "Showtime."

**Dear Lord, what's going to happen now? Will Tori come back with Jade and Beck? Will Jade ever get over Tori? And something tells me Cat's in for the shock of her life! Leave a review and find out! Guys, I am going to do my best to get the next one out more quickly, it's just hard with a job and then having to make a home out of this apartment (let me tell you, paintings do not come cheap!). Till next time!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Lights Out, Part II**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** I'm pulling a Beyonce! Hey guys, happy 2014! Hope you all are well, and my apologies for being VERY late with this chapter, but there's just so much that was going on. So I decided that I'm going to write from work when I don't have anything to do, so that I don't exhaust myself when I'm at home. Plus it looks like I'm busy and keeps me out of trouble. This will be the last chapter I have in mind for the story, and I would like to thank everyone who made these two and a half years a real thrill for me. As always your comments and thoughts are most welcome, so please hit that review button! And without further ado...

"This is a bad idea. One a scale from 'one' to 'bad idea', this is definitely a bad idea" muttered Judy irritably, making her way down to the entrance hall. The single storey Sacramento house wasn't quite the opulent decadence that was the Vega mansion, so her nine furious strides managed to get her to the front door from the other end of the house in excellent time. Throughout her niece's stay, the older woman had often wondered why this generation of teens in particular needed to sort their messes out by spilling it onto everyone else. "It's all this emotional liberation" she pondered, slowing her pace down to the shadowy figures desperately flitting on the other side of the front door. "If the world stop telling them to 'express themselves' and 'be the person they are, not the one that everyone wants them to be', we'd all be a whole lot happier!" Not that she judged her niece, but Tori did seem to be quite the little fence sitter when it came to this whole pregnancy thing. It was almost like she didn't even make the attempt to start her life over; God had just copied and pasted her from L.A. to Sac. "Anyways, none of my business" she thought, reaching her hand over to the door. A single pull revealed a smiling, handsome boy and a very upset girl - a very, _VERY_ upset girl.

"Oh my God, hi! You must be Tori's friends!" exclaimed Judy with faux delight, feeling the saccharine act make her nauseous right down to her stomach. It wasn't fair: the guests had done nothing wrong, yet she couldn't help but feel like she was being robbed in some way – some sleep, or lack thereof would hopefully shed some clarity on the matter. "Come in, come in!"

"Thanks, Mrs Tori's Family Relation" scowled the girl darkly, striding in with the force of a thousand hurricanes. Judy felt the sudden desire to thump her, but thankfully resisted the urge. "Actually, its Ms Tori's Family Relation dear" she smiled sweetly, feeling her nausea reach Pepto Bismal proportions. "And you are?"

"Jade and Beck" smiled the boy gratefully, waving a thick lock of ebony hair out of his face as he stepped in. "You have a very nice home Ms Vega. Thanks for letting us come over so late."

"Not a problem at all. Just for the sake of all single aunts out there, don't get anyone pregnant. It makes our lives so stressful."

"Um... sure, I'll keep that in mind."

"You do that sweetie. Shall we?"

-xoxoxoxoxo-

The walk to the kitchen was eventful to say the least: in utter silence too awkward to comprehend, but contextually called for, Judy led her esteemed visitors to her niece. Twice, she had heard the faint mutterings of 'this is a bad idea' come from the girl, who seemed to share the older woman's sentiments about being here. The boy had whispered something along the lines of 'we're already here; we might as well see her'. This was exactly the kind of sloppiness she expected, albeit not so close to midnight. The air between the three singed with discomfort, though Judy soldiered on, waiting for sweet relief when Tori would take over this arduous duty. "I wonder if she'll actually leave" said the matriarch to herself mentally, sensing that the journey of forced hospitality was nearing its end. "If she wants to turn her life around, it makes sense... actually no, nothing in this situation makes sense anymore."

Like a Biblical revelation, the chosen elder led her two wards to the place of their desire, taking note of how her niece's hands instantly froze and ceased with their fidgeting as soon as the young couple entered the kitchen. Judy had never seen the younger Latina so poised on the brink of desperation before – the junior Vega seemed to be about to fall into an ocean of tears at any moment. Her eyes glimmered pleadingly in the soft light from the lamps above, her face equal parts shadow and milky depression. It was remarkable how much angst teens could pretend to hide at the site of their friends who drove all the way from Los Angeles to be here so late, but she thought it was best to let that particular thought slide away for the moment. "Well guys, there's some leftover pizza in the fridge, and Tori bought the entire cracker industry home, so please help yourselves." She cast a quick look around at the expectant stares, ranging from disbelief to courteous anxiety. "Yeah, so I'm off to catch a rerun of _Friends_, so yeah... have fun, I think is appropriate." Silence – not even crickets. "I'm going to leave now."

"May I use your bathroom?" asked Beck, obliviously averting his eyes away from the Goth's indignant stare. "It's been a long drive."

"Just past the front the door, at the end of the corridor, I'll show you were it is" said Judy, waving her hands for the Canadian to follow her. Fighting past the brief grip of Jade's nails in his forearm, Beck lightly bounded out of the kitchen, leaving the solemn smoke of stillness to fall in miserable drips between the two former lovers. The Goth felt darkness spiral out of her being as she laid eyes on the Latina, so vulnerable before her, she almost forgot that it was her own heart that broke all those times before. All those moments she spent pining, all those times she had spent nursing herself back to some semblance of what she was before this all happened... it was so insignificant now. "Say something Vega."

Quiet.

"Vega? Say something, or I'm out of here."

Nothing but the still shimmer of phantom tears about to gain reality.

"I'm going to find Beck."

"Wait." It was a hush, but it was something at least. Tori inhaled deeply, hoping a bout of oxygen would give her clarity as to what to do next. "Don't go."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"_Yeah, I don't get along with my sister. She's, you know, one of those high-strung career people."_

"_Wow Pheebs, what does she do?"_

"_Oh, she's a waitress._" Judy sighed wistfully, not feeling the slightest bit laughter at Phoebe Buffay's misdirect. Her mind wandered off to the kids in the kitchen. Would Tori go back to Los Angeles? Of course, the decision was fully up to her – it was just glaringly obvious that going back to the city of angels would be all kinds of difficult, even if she did transfer out of Hollywood Arts. She'd be judged, ridiculed; and most of all, cut off from her dreams. Her talent would stifle underneath the weight of what the world expected from her. "She's tough, but still delicate." As Judy watched the on screen antics of the sitcom, she thought back to her own formative years. Back then, things were much more absolute. Society had an order as to how life would proceed, and woe befell anyone who tried so much as to change it. "Ah, it's not up to me. I'm not her, and I can't be her mother. I can only be the aunt who lets random people come to her house at near midnight. Damn, I hate this house!"

"Do you mind if I watch with you?" The soft request pulled the older woman out of her thoughts, latching her eyes onto the looming figure of Beck in the living room entrance. "Not at all."

"Thanks. You have a very nice bathroom."

"Thank you. You know, it has always been my ambition to say 'please use the bathroom upstairs', but you know... I don't have an upstairs."

"Well, sometimes two storeys can be overrated. Think about all those stairs that you have to go through to get a midnight snack."

"True, very true" said Judy thoughtfully. "Speaking of snacks, how come you're not in the kitchen?"

"I uh... I think its best that I stay here for the time being. Jade and Tori have some stuff they have to work over" said the Canadian hesitantly, choosing to set his vision on the TV instead. "This is a pretty funny episode."

"Beck, it may be none of my business, but I'm going to ask this anyways: are you here to convince Tori to come back with you guys?"

The Canadian pursed his lips together. "I'm not sure to be quite honest. When Tori left, she... she left a lot of people behind. I guess you could say that we're here for closure."

"Do people miss her back there?"

"There's been mixed reactions." Judy nodded, turning her head towards Chandler and Joey pointing vigorously at each other on the screen. She saw the boy shuffle on his seat out of the corner of her eye, his line of sight solely fixed on the TV. "So are you and Jade a couple?" she asked tentatively, cringing inwardly that she was reduced to such meaningless small talk with someone at least half her age. A quick glance was enough to see him smiling to himself, almost reminiscently. "We used to be. She dumped me for someone else."

"And yet, you're here" stated the older woman, feeling her head spin in bemused circles. The Canadian nodded, his grin still firmly fixed on his lips. "Seriously, the girl dumps you for someone else and you still drive her all the way here to see my niece?"

"Well, our relationship was heading for trouble long before we actually split. We just stopped connecting towards the end. But the breakup was very amicable, we're still good friends."

"You know you're in high school, right? You're not talking about a marriage here."

The Canadian laughed jovially. "I guess so. No, Jade just needs someone there. She acts-"

"Like a total bitch?"

"Your words, not mine." Beck's smile to a sadder curve, thinning to a slight curl of lips instead of the full blown beam it was before. "She's really different once you get to know her like the way I do." He dropped his gaze to the floor. "Is there a chance that Tori might come back with us?"

"I wish I could give you an answer my dear boy" sighed Judy. She gave the boy one more perfunctory glance before returning to the TV. "Unfortunately, the only person that knows what's going on in my niece's head is my niece. Maybe one day, she'll come back if she's comfortable enough with herself."

"Yeah... one day." Judy frowned at the reluctance in his voice. "Are you sad about that?"

"No, no... just... it's nothing." Beck's smile faded to nothing as he focused his attention back on the sitcom. "Nothing at all."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Jade, we have to be very quiet" said the Latina, nervously fanning a cracker in the air as the Goth stared quizzically at her. Her teeth crunched into the lightly baked square, finding little resistance as they carved out the neatest bite mark any human was capable of making. Digestive nausea aids aside, Tori felt the space between them spark with the unsaid things she wanted to exorcise out of herself. She wanted to apologize, to tear herself to pieces as she babbled 'I'm sorry' like some fervent prayer for salvation. Judging by the other girl's face, it seemed like Jade West wouldn't be the least bit open to an apology.

"This is too corny for those to be the first thing you say to me" muttered the Goth, walking around her half of the kitchen in small paces. Tori gulped down her chewed cracker pulp before responding.

"You were the one who asked me to say something."

"Something to explain yourself" said the raven-head, feeling her voice roll up and down in slight tremors. "Not something couples say when they want to bang each other with their parents in the next room."

"Oh... Um, you want to bang?" said the Latina, her smile instantly lighting up and fading in the face of her friend's shielded indifference. "It was a joke, you see... a joke..."

"You know, Beck dragged me here because he thought that you would come back if we convinced you to come back home with us, you would" said the Goth quietly. The world around her swirled in subdued colours of futility, but still she pressed on. There wasn't an exact word that she could use to describe how this all felt to her – it lay somewhere between heartbreak and weariness, something that weighed so heavily on her that it threatened to collapse her entire existence. "I wanted to tell him that I've made this particular argument before, about you staying at home and fighting for you and your kid-"

"And us" added Tori softly. Jade smirked despondently. Miss Vega really knew how to slide the knife right between the ribs with the utmost amount of pathos. "Yeah, that too." She blinked twice. "Do you want to come back?"

"I don't know." It wasn't an exact lie, but it was more along the lines of she didn't want to know. Everyone expected her to create these concrete paths for herself out of greying chaos, including herself: she just didn't know how to do it, how to put her needs in conjunction with the life inside of her so that everything would turn out OK. "It'll just be a bigger mess if I do go back. My time at school would be cut, and things with Cat and Danny... it just wouldn't be a good place to be."

"Do you regret getting involved? With me?"

"No." The brunette's answer stood firm in the air, immediate like a child's cry. At least she was sure of this much. "I only regret leaving things the way I did."

"I suppose you could have handled it better" said Jade quietly, feeling her voice catch in her throat. There was a twisted sort of pleasure here, though she couldn't recognise what was happening to her She had spent so long mourning of the shattered pieces the Latina left her with, she couldn't recognize the reality of the situation. "Whatever you decide, we'll support you. Beck and I, I can't speak for the rest." She shook her head sadly. "I guess we just leave things here, huh?"

"Look, Jade-"

"Vega, do yourself and your kid a favour – think of yourselves for once. Never mind the rest of us, what do you want?"

"I want... I want to be happy again."

"There you go."

-xoxoxoxoxoxo-

"I guess we have a couple of hours till sunrise?" she asked, gazing out of the window with actually no interest at all. Her mind was as blank as the ebony velvet above them, and for once, this was just fine. No sorting things out, just cathartic blankness. He doesn't answer. He knows better than to interrupt when she's saying things to clear her mind. His foot hovers steady over the accelerator. They glide over the winding ribbon of tarmac, two souls lost in forever, too young to feel the pain they experience right now... and yet here it is, laid for all to see.

Her hand slowly inched towards his over the gearstick – luckily they're already in fifth. She felt the little earthquakes of the vehicle pass through her body, joined by the skin to him. She afforded herself a small smile to the faint reflection she sees in the window. "I really like you."

"Was that one for me, or was that to your reflection?"

"My dear Canuckistan freak, who cares?"

"Where to, Miss West?"

"My dear Canuckistan freak, who cares?"

"OK, you're getting racist now." He grinned. The sun had yet to break, but that was alright – they had time. "I really like you too."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"I'd give anything to go back to normal" said the Latina, pulling her eyes away from the bespectacled gaze watching her. "Sometimes I wake up, and just for one second, I don't realize what's happened. I feel like I'm living what I'm supposed to, what I want to."

"What we want and what actually happens are two different things" said the therapist gently. Tori smiled slightly – the defence she had put up here had completely crashed around her. Her epiphany had come across in rays of light, clearly marking out all the right places in her head. "You don't have to tell that to me."

"You certainly seem more accepting of your um... condition now, than when we last met."

"I've just had some time to think. Plus I had a visit from some very good friends who helped me get some perspective on things."

"And?"

"And... I want to be happy."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Cat Valentine, lunch!"

"Coming Mom" called the redhead, her eyes fixed on the TV. She almost missed the twirling beep of her phone, the screen lighting up to show a message from a name that connected her with the molten vat of anger inside her body. Instantly, her face flushed with anger. Her eyes were set ablaze, but still she pressed on. "_I'm sorry for what happened. You have every right to hate me, but I still call you a friend._"

In the silence, who knows the difference between right and wrong?

-xoxoxoxoxo-

**TEN YEARS LATER**

"Breathe. Just breathe." The brown eyes staring back at the Goth were so reassuring. She wished she could be as confident in herself as her husband was of her. Every gig was the same, and she always came out on top. It was just her nerves doing their usual superstition. "I can do this" she breathed, though it seemed more of a question than a statement.

"Rock out there babe" said Beck smilingly, his voice barely audible over the insatiable roar of the crowd. He was all she could focus on, though in the past ten years of their relationship and two years of marriage, that wasn't much of a surprise. She wound him up and he steadied her, it was just their dynamic. She wore the ring on her finger, but it seemed to weigh nothing on her hand. She just didn't feel like anything had changed, and that was where she was comfortable. She was loved, as is, no returns possible; and for that, she loved him all the more back.

She paced herself out to the cries of the adoring fans, their screams swooping around her like crazed lovers. She knew why they were here, but more importantly, she knew why she was here. She was obliged to perform some mutual admiration: a smile or two, a wave here and there, it was all part of the job. "WHAT'S UP LOS ANGELES?" The kingdom reached deafening peaks of obsession, but what more would one expect?

As they shouted their bloody throats out, she saw them. She almost missed them – time had definitely done nothing to diminish the adult woman's beauty, but it certainly had matured it. The singer's eyes travelled down to a little girl, clutching an "I GO WEST" poster tightly between her fingers. The girl's silent screams synched themselves out with the crowd, though the mother remained blissfully quiet. Benign. Nostalgic even, with just the burnt edges of unfairness. She found her happy.

"This first song is for a girl I knew..."

**THE END**

**My love to all the Jori shippers who have been so kind to me with this story. I love you all.**


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